Sara's Journey
by Maisy13
Summary: Sara sets off to lay her ghosts to rest. Written in conjunction with Masquerade, though you don't have to read that one to get this one. WIP
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** CSI belongs to Anthony Zuiker and a whole bunch of other people, but not by me.

**A/n:** So yeah, this is exactly what the title inplies. Sara's journey to lay her ghosts to rest. I've taken a different take on this them most have. I just always thought that it could have happend this way. This fic is written in conjunction with my new casefile fic, Masquerade. You don't have to read that one to get this one, but there will be interaction between the two, mostly with telephone calls between Grissom and Sara, for now. I will be updating this one every Wednesdays or Thursdays, and Masquerade on Mondays or Tuesdays. Thanks is advance for reading.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Sara stared out the window, not really noticing the dancing lights. Right about now he was reading the letter. Her heart hurt with the thought that he wouldn't understand. She'd written that she didn't know where she was going, but now that she'd thought about it, she had an idea. She had to go back to the beginning, back to the place this all started.

* * *

_Sara watched as her mother slammed into the house, startling the cat lying on the hearth. Sara sat curled up on the end of the couch, where she'd been watching the leaves dance on the cool autumn breeze. Her eight-year-old heart froze in her chest at the dark look of her mother. Things must not have gone well in town. The local merchant's association had held their monthly meeting, and up for discussion was the building of a new hotel off the interstate. This had put her mom in a foul mood, and Sara knew by the look on her face the proposal had been approved. Laura Sidle had been very vocal against it, telling anyone who would listen that it would be the ruin of the community. The real reason why mom didn't want it was that it would take away potential guests to their bed and breakfast. Her parents had taken over the old Victorian house a few years before Sara was born, and had turned it into a modest, but successful B&B. Her father, the dreamer, had named it The Eternal Bliss Inn. Her mother had wanted something simpler, like Sidle Bed and Breakfast, but her father had won, the first of only two arguments her father had ever won. Now, as her mother stormed through the house, Sara shrank back into the couch and watched as she searched out her father. He was down in his studio, where he usually was, and Sara knew that that would only fuel her mother's anger. She could hear her start to yell as she thundered down the stair_s. "_Bill! Bill where are you! Those idiots approved that monstrosity. You should have been there; maybe they would have listened to two voices, more than one." Sara could hear her father's voice replying, but not what he said, but it didn't matter because her mother cut right over him. "Of course you weren't there to support me. You're never there; you're always here, tinkering around with this wood!" Sara heard a crash and knew her mother had pushed one of her father's projects to the ground. Sara cringed at the thought of her fathers beautiful work being destroyed. She decided to escape outside before things got too bad. She ran out and down to the beach, watching as the ocean ebbed and flowed. She loved watching as the water pulled back, like it was gathering strength, pulling itself up into a wave only to dash itself on the sand. She'd read at the library that the moon affected the ocean, controlled the tide. She loved to figure out the way things worked. Found solace in it. Later that night at dinner, her father smiled at her, asking her about her day. He grunted and held his side as he reached for the rolls. Her mother ate in silence. At least this time they didn't need to go to the hospital. _

Sara looked up as the cab pulled up to the bus station. Paying the driver, she climbed out. The bus would be slower, but she needed time to get her thoughts in order. Paying for her ticket, she pulled out a pack of pictures she'd just picked up at the film place. Opening the flap, she gazed at the first picture. It was of her and Grissom at an amusement park. The whole team had gone to the Adventuredome theme park, and the pics were from that day. Grissom had been disappointed that they hadn't had any real roller coasters. She smiled. When she got back, they'd plan a trip and go to the biggest coaster in the world, wherever that may be. Tucking the pictures back in her purse, she saw her cell phone. She'd call him later. If she called now, she might decide not to go, and that wouldn't be good for her. They called for loading for her bus, and she followed her fellow passengers.She sighed and whispered. "Ready or not, here I go."

**TBC…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** All rights reserved for CBS

**A/n:** I want to say thank you to those who reviewed. I hope this helps those watching tonight to enjoy the ep. It looks like it might be fun, but I'll miss Sara. Thinking of her like this will make it easier. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Sara stared out the window watching the desert come to life in the dawning light. The landscape went from plum shadows to pale peach as the sun rose. At one time she would have found the sight breathtaking, but her time in the desert had robbed her of that ability. She knew how dangerous those shadows could be, and how punishing the now pale sun would become. Turning away from the window, she took in her fellow passengers. They were a quiet bunch, most heading home after losing their money at the casinos. You could tell who'd lost their savings, and who'd stuck to their vacation budgets, and the former was winning three to one. There were a couple of lost looking souls, heading who knew where. Across from her was a young mother with her son. He looked to be around five, and he was squiggling around in his seat. His mom reached into a bag and brought out a coloring book and crayons. His grin when she handed them to him was more than Sara could take. She turned and stared at the seat in front of her. How different things would have been if her mom had been like that.

* * *

_Sara closed her eyes and listened to the wind blow by the window, letting it whip her hair around. For the moment the car was silent, but she knew better than to count on that to last. She had to enjoy it while she could. She could feel her older brother splayed out in the seat next to her, and could feel the anger rolling off him. It hadn't been her fault. He was the one that'd told her to go hide in his room. How was she supposed to know that that bag of stuff she'd found under his bed wasn't dirt? He had protested that the weed wasn't his, that he'd taken it away from his friend, but their mom didn't believe that for one minute. For that matter neither did Sara, but she didn't think he deserved the punishment he'd gotten. She'd tried to apologize but he was too mad to hear it. He'd been planning a big camping trip with some friends, and now that wasn't gonna happen. He'd been grounded for a year, but Sara didn't feel bad about that. What she felt bad about was that he hadn't been able to sit for a week after he'd been punished, and he'd cried every night. Years from now, when she told this story, she'd leave that part out. They'd gone only a few more miles when trouble started. Sara's dad who was driving, as her mother insisted, decided to pull over for a bathroom break. "Bill, we've only been on the road for thirty minutes, surely you can hold it longer than that. Is your bladder the size of a pea?" Bill cleared his throat and glanced in the rearview mirror. "I thought it might be a good chance to get a couple of drinks too. The kids look thirsty." Laura rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and then we'll be stopping every few miles because they have to go to the bathroom. We'll never get there at this rate." Up until now this had been a valid argument, but Sara could see the anger boiling behind her mothers eyes, and she knew this wasn't over. Her father would never learn though, so a few minutes later when he pulled over he was surprised when Laura wheeled on him. "What did I say?!" She yelled. "I said don't stop!" Bill shook his head. "No dear, you said the kids shouldn't have drinks, but I still have to go to the bathroom." Sara closed her eyes and cringed in the corner. She knew her brother had too much of his mother in him to stay out of it. And of course he chimed in. "And why shouldn't we have something to drink?" His arms were crossed and he glared towards the front seat. Sara just kept thinking, "Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it." It didn't work. Her mom turned in the seat and gave him THE LOOK. Sara tuned to stare out the window, but she still heard the slap when it came. The rest of the trip was silent, and when they got home a few days later, both her brother and father sported bruised cheeks. __

* * *

_And that was why she hated road trips. Well, she HAD hated road trips, but that was before Grissom had shown her how fun they could be. She turned and looked down at a tug on her sleeve. The little boy was standing there, and smiling. "Hi." He whispered. 

Sara smiled despite herself. "Hey." She watched him watching her for a moment. She looked up to see if his mom knew what he wanted, but she was dozing in her seat. He noticed where she was looking.

"Mama's tired. I'm gonna let her rest." He cocked his head and looked at her. "You look tired too. Why don't you take a snooze? My daddy said sleeping in the car was the best because it was very thurpadic."

Sara couldn't help it, she giggled. "Therapeutic? Yeah, it can be good, especially if you have a nice shoulder to lie on." Sara looked back over to his mom. "Where is your dad?"

"Daddy's in heaven. Mama says he's gettin lotsa rest now." He frowned a little. "I still wish he was here. Sometimes."

Sara's heart thudded in her chest. She reached out and took his hand. "I'm sorry sweetie." She didn't know what else to say. No one had ever said anything to her.

The little boy looked up at her from under his lashes. "Tha's okay. Mama says daddy was strong, but chesterol was stronger. You don't eat too much chesterol do you? Mama says you shouldn't."

A voice spoke from across the aisle. "Jaime, get back over here and leave the nice lady alone."

The boy, Jamie, looked back at him mom, and Sara looked too. Sara shook her head. "It's okay, he wasn't bothering me."

The woman shook her head. "I'm sure that's true, but he knows he's not supposed to talk to strangers." Her voiced was weary as she looked back to Jamie. "C'mon, come cuddle up with me and get some sleep. " Jamie frowned, but nodded and turned to go, but he turned back.

"Maybe you should rest too. You do look tired." He turned back and climbed back up in his seat, and his mom put her arm around him and pulled him close.

Sara turned away and looked out the window. The sun was shining brightly now and the wind coming through her open window was sweet. Snuggling could be fun. Her chest tightened at the thought of never snuggling with Gil again. She could still remember the first time they'd really snuggled.

* * *

_A knock sounded at the door and she glanced at the clock. "A bit early tonight." She murmured with a smile as she went to open the door. The smile changed to a frown as she saw how tired he looked. She opened the door wider and moved aside for him to come in. He stopped a couple of feet from the door and after she closed the door, he pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. _

"_This is all I've been able to think of all night." He said as he buried his face in her hair. _

_She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. "What brought this on?" She was worried. Things had seemed fine that morning when she'd left work, and she couldn't think of what could've happened since then to change things. _

_He sighed and pulled back. "The case I was working, the guy was found dead on his couch, well turns out he died of a heart attack. He had two small sons." He took her hand and pulled her toward the couch. They sat and he was silent for a while, then he finally spoke. "When I was nine my dad came home one day and sat on the couch. My mom was in the kitchen. I was watching TV, the Green Hornet. When my mom came in with some drinks she couldn't wake him up. The funeral was three days later. No one would tell me what happened. Finally when I was eighteen I got the answer. Myocardial infarction. His heart just gave up. My dad was the only person that ever really understood me. He was a botanist, and while he loved his plants, I loved to study the bugs that fed off of them. When he was gone, I was alone. My mom loved me, but she didn't understand me." He looked up at her, and smiled. "You get me like only he ever did." He pulled her towards him and gently took her mouth in a long kiss. When he pulled away, he asked. "Do you think we could snuggle for a while?" Heart in her throat Sara had nodded, and for the first time ever she felt truly at home."_

_

* * *

_Sara sighed. Opening her purse she pulled out her personal cell phone. She'd left the department issue one at work, and only close friends had the number for this one. She'd turned it off so that when he called, if he called, she wouldn't be tempted to answer it, and be talked into staying. Turning it on now, she waited for it to power up. What was she going to say? Could he ever forgive her? The phone jingled and she flipped it open. The message read, 'One missed call'. Her eyebrows shot up. Only one call? He'd only called once? If it had been him. What if he hadn't gotten the letter? What if he thought she was just gone? Or taken by another mad-woman? She hurriedly pulled up the messages and played the one message there. She hesitated a moment, but then pulled it up. She chewed her thumb as she listened. There was silence, then his voice. "Sara… I'm sorry I didn't see this coming. I hate that you have to go through it alone, but I just want you to know that I'll be here when you're ready. You are my everything. I will miss you with every beat of my heart. I love you. I always will. Talk to you later." She played it over five times, tears rolling down her cheeks. Finally she pressed one, and listened to it ring until it was picked up. "Grissom." His voice was terse. Sara sniffed and said. "Hey Gil, it's me…" 

**TBC….**

* * *

**A/n 2:** The phone conversation will be continued in Masquerade. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** CSI is the property of Anthony Zuiker and a bunch of other people. I only borrow it for a little fun.

**A/n:** Well, I'm not quite sure if I'm happy with this chapter. I changed it several times, and I'm okay with what came out, but I'm not sure if it's the best I could do. I would love any kind of feedback. Do you like it, do you like where I'm heading, do you hate it, is it, for the most part, in-character? Anything? Thanks to those who have reviewed so far. I really do appreciate it.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Sara jerked awake as the bus pulled into the station at Barstow. She rubbed her eyes, and looked around. Everyone was filing out, and she took out her schedule and saw that they had a fifteen minute layover. She grabbed her purse and followed the rest off the bus to stretch her legs. She was surprised she'd been able to sleep at all, but hearing Grissom and knowing that he'd understood had helped her relax. Heading for a drink machine, she couldn't help a small smile. In the dream she'd been having, Grissom was showing her just how inventive he could be. She had a feeling the following weeks and months were going to be harder then she'd thought.

Poking her coins into the machine, she was distracted by raised voices coming from behind the small building not far away. A woman's angry voice was berating a man for spending most of their money on fast food. The smile that had barely started disappeared behind a cloud of memories.

* * *

_Sara giggled as she dropped the fish into the bucket. "That's six daddy. Isn't that good?" She beamed up at her father who was busy threading a new worm on the hook. He finished and looked up at her with a smile. "Sure is sweetheart. Who knew you'd be such a natural?" He reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Sara Bella Sidle, fisherwoman extraordinaire. The smartest, prettiest girl to ever set foot on a dock." Sara giggled again and exclaimed, "Daddy, don't call me that." Bill smiled as Sara blushed. "And why not? You're my Sara Bella, and I want the world to know just how smart you are." Sara ducked her head and smiled. Her name had been the only other argument her dad had ever won with her mother. Sara pretended to be embarrassed about it, and her father would tease her about it, and they'd laugh. Sara yawned and rubbed her eyes. Bill glanced at his watch, concerned when he saw it was after eleven. "Well sugarbear, what do you say we gather our stuff and head on back home? Your brother has to be at the pizza parlor by one and your mom wants someone at the Inn just in case someone comes by." Sara nodded and started to get up. They'd been out here since half past six this morning, and Sara was ready for a nap. The drive home was nice and peaceful, and Sara would remember it later as the calm before the storm. Things had been quiet the last couple of months. Laura had been busy with promotion for the Inn, and finding a way to get customers to choose them over the fancy hotel that had finally been built. Sara's brother had just turned eighteen a couple of weeks ago, and he was planning on going to college out east come fall. Bill pulled up to the house and knew right away that something wasn't right. The front door was open wide and Laura's car was parked across the lawn. He turned to Sara and found that she'd fallen asleep. He shook her gently and when she opened her eyes she saw there was trouble in the tautness of her father's smile. "Hey jellybean. Why don't you go on around back and go upstairs and finish you nap? I'll take the fish in and clean them, and we'll have a nice fish dinner tonight." Wary, Sara nodded and climbed out of the car. She had just tuned the corner of the house when she heard her mother yell. "Where the HELL have you been!" The screech had Sara stopping her tracks. "I come home after spending all morning trying to get us one guest, and what do I find? An empty house. What if one of the people I talked to decided to come out here only to discover no one here to check them in? Do you WANT us to lose everything?!" Bill mumbled something low, but Laura's reply was loud and clear. "Well he isn't here now! And since when do you leave Brian here to take care of guests? God! I don't even know why I married you. You're worthless! Get inside; the place needs to be cleaned. And what is that smell?!" More mumbling from her father, and a shriek from her mother. "You went where?! This is what you think is an acceptable excuse? Fishing? Sara doesn't need to go fishing. She needs to learn how to be an acceptable girl. You indulge her way too much. From now on I'll decide how she spends her free time. And throw those things out. I don't want them stinking up the house just in case we DO get a guest." The door slammed and Sara saw her father, head down, throwing the fish in the trash. He looked up and saw her standing there. Shrugging, he closed the lid and headed back in. From then on Sara's free time was taken up with her mother's idea of more suitable pursuits for young girls. Ballet, piano, and what turned out to be Sara's favorite escape, the academic clubs she joined, especially the math club. __

* * *

_Sara was pulled back to the present at the sound of the horn telling passengers to re-board. Taking her drink she climbed back on the bus, and headed back to her seat. She watched as some new passengers boarded, including a young couple, both of whom wore aggravated expressions. They took the seats right behind her and Sara had the feeling that this was the couple she'd overheard arguing before. Regretting that she hadn't brought her Ipod, or at least a book, she made a mental note to buy something to occupy her time during the next layover. 

They rode in silence for a while, and Sara closed her eyes and hoped for sleep. Her wish wasn't granted and instead she was left listening to the conversation going on behind her.

"I just don't know what you're thinking sometimes." This was followed by a sigh. "But I don't want us to argue any more. Let's just make a promise not to waste any more money." There was silence for a few moments, then a low rumble of a voice. "Sure babe. I don't like when we fight either. No more wasting money." Sara heard the unmistakable sounds of kissing, and she closed her eyes, trying to close it out.

Her heart constricted at the thought of waiting so long to kiss Gil again. He'd said that's he be thinking of the last kiss, but she hated that she'd given it on such a sad note. Their first kiss though, that one was worth remembering.

**

* * *

**_Sara watched as the ambulance pulled away with Nick in the back. She felt bone weary and cold. As the siren faded away, she heard Grissom tell Ecklie that he wanted their team back together. She couldn't agree more. The last few months without Warrick, Nick, and even Catherine had just been weird. Their team was like a family, and with them split up, it felt incomplete. They all made their way back to their cars, Sara going with Grissom and Greg hopping in the car that Warrick and Catherine had driven. Grissom drove for a while in silence, then he pulled over. The sky was dotted with stars you couldn't see in the city, and a breeze washed over the desert. Sara watched as Grissom closed his eyes and breathed deeply. His hands gripped the steering wheel, and Sara felt helpless to help him. She knew him so well, and yet in some ways not at all. In the last couple of months she'd learned so much about him that she hadn't known. Their relationship had gotten so much better since she'd told him about her past, and he'd asked her out after they'd finished a particularly difficult case involving a mother's incestuous relationship with her son. They'd only gone out a couple of times, but it had been more friendly outings, rather than romantic, and Sara had contented herself with that, even if a little devil had whispered to her every now and then that she wanted more and her lips ached for the feel of his. She'd be patient, and hopefully one day, he'd be ready for more. _

_Suddenly he opened his eyes. "I feel… I feel as if there's this hand that just keeps pushing me. I've been trying so hard to change, but I'm still the same guy who's always felt safer with my bugs and the job I do. In the last few months I've been shown over and over how easy it would be to lose you, and I keep telling myself that there's plenty of time, but what if there isn't? Ecklie could have fired you, Adam Trent could have killed you, and it could have easily been you tonight. I-I don't want to get to the point where I don't have you, and to know I've never really known you." Sara watched, speechless as he turned to her. "I need you. I know that the rules don't allow for team members to date, but I could no more stand to not work with you, as to not have you in my life on a more personal level. I-what I'm trying to say is I need you, and I need to do this before one more second goes by." He reached over, unbuckled her seat belt, then his, and pulled her to him. His lips were warm and dry as they pressed into hers. Sara's mind froze. Suddenly she was jolted by the slick feel of his tongue tracing her lips, seeking entry. She moaned and gripped his shoulders, pulling herself as close as she could, her own tongue circling his in a dance as old as time. Long minutes passed before they pulled apart, and when they did, their breath mingled in ragged gasps. Tears glittered in Sara's eyes, and he wiped them away with his thumbs. Sounding uncharacteristically nervous, he whispered. "I hope these don't mean you didn't like it and you're tying to find a way to let me down gently. I didn't wait too long, did I?" _

_Sara's answer was a shake of her head, and she pulled him to her and buried her face in his neck, the soothing feel of his whiskers on her cheeks. She whispered into his ear. "No, there's nothing I want more." She pulled back and smiled, kissing his lips lightly. "I'm not sure it would ever have been too late." _

* * *

Sara opened her eyes and watched as the sparse trees and bushes whipped by the window. She decided then and there that she owed him one spectacular kiss to make up for the last one she'd given him. On that thought she closed her eyes, and was finally able to sleep.

* * *

TBC… 


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own them, but hey, Christmas isn't here yet, and I'm patient.

**A/n:** Okay, thanks to everyone who has reviewed, I hope you like this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Sara stepped off the bus at the Las Angles terminal and immediately shed her jacket. It had been chilly back home, but the sun in LA was shining brightly and the temperature was already soaring into the eighties. Draping the jacket over her arm she headed inside the terminal, she desperately needed to visit the ladies. She didn't find the prospect of using the bus's toilet appealing and planned to avoid it for as long as possible. A few minutes later, feeling slightly refreshed, she gazed at herself in the mirror. Finger brushing her hair, she pushed it up, and using an elastic band she'd found in her purse, she arranged it into a loose knot, a style she normally wore while working a scene. As she stared into the mirror her stomach growled. Realizing that it had been almost twenty-four hours since she'd eaten, she headed out to find something to eat. They had an hour left in their layover, and she hoped that she could find a way to pass the time more quickly.

Luck was with her and she found a vegetarian restaurant a block away, and she quickly ordered her breakfast. Choosing a booth by the widow, she started in on her buckwheat pancakes and veggie sausage. Piping hot coffee provided the perfect topper to the meal. She swallowed the last bite and was surprised to find it had only taken her ten minutes to eat. Sighing, she decided to get a refill on the coffee and stroll around a little to stretch her legs. She walked down the street, looking in the shop windows. She was just wondering if she should buy something else to wear, when she heard a sharp bark behind her. She turned and found a puppy running down the street, closely followed by a girl of around ten or eleven. Sara thought quickly, and just as the puppy was about to run past her, she darted down and scooped him up. He wiggled to get down, but Sara kept her hold, and by the time the little girl had reached her, he had calmed down and was licking her face. Sara smiled at the little girl, who now that the drama of chasing her dog was over was shyly looking up at Sara. "Hey, I suppose this little bundle of energy belongs to you." Sara knelt down and handed the puppy over, hearing as she did so the approaching heavy footprints of the girls father.

The man gasped for breath, and bent with his hands on his knees to steady himself, the puppy's leash dangling from his hands. "Ja-Janey, don't ever run from me like that again." Exhaling sharply he stood up and stretched. "Thanks Miss… the dog jumped out of the car before I could put the leash on her." Reaching down he latched the leash on, and scratched her head. Straightening, he smiled at her. "Sorry to almost run you down."

Shaking her head, Sara assured him that it was okay. "These things happen. Dogs just have a mind of their own." She smiled down at the little girl who was petting her dog, and paying no attention to the adults. When she looked back up, she noticed that the father was now looking at her with a little more interest than was comfortable. Clearing her throat she said. "Well, glad I could help, have a good day." And before he could say anything else, she turned and started walking. She headed in the direction of the bus station, but her mind wasn't strictly on her path. She was thinking of the first dog she'd ever had.

* * *

_Sara sniffed and walked down the street to her house. She'd just had the most humiliating experience of her young life. She scuffed her shoes along the sidewalk as she walked, and vowed not to let the tears fall. Who wanted to go to a birthday sleep over at Julie's house anyway? Just because she had the built in swimming pool, and had been bragging all week about the cake she was going to have for her birthday party didn't mean it would have been fun. Of course it would have been easier if Julie hadn't told the entire playground that she would not be inviting Sara Sidle because she didn't need some 'freakishly tall, gap toothed, smart-ass know-it-all', at her party. Her party was for the cool kids. Well Sara didn't care. She WAS smart, and she didn't believe that just because some boy might like her better that she should play dumb. Julie had been her friend through grade school but they had drifted apart once they'd entered middle school and now Julie preferred to spend time with the trendy girls, and flirt with the boys, pretending that her grades weren't good, and going so far as to purposefully do bad on a test because she wanted Aaron to think he was smarter than her. And she couldn't help that she was as tall as she was. The teasing had gotten worse since Brian had left for collage. When he was here people left Sara alone, not wanting to deal with the Brian Sidle in a bad temper. Now, however, there was nothing to prevent them from treating her as badly as they wanted to. _

_She reached the house and walked slowly up the front stairs. She was surprised to find her father sitting on the front porch swing. His arm was in a cast and sling from a break a few days earlier, but he had a smile on his face. "Hey sugar pie. What's got you looking so down?" She just shook her head, not wanting to go into everything. "Well, what could I do to put that beautiful smile back on your face?" _

_Sara shook her head. "I hate my smile." _

_Bill drew back, drawing in an exaggerated breath. "You hate your smile! Why that's the silliest thing I've ever heard!" _

_Sara shrugged. "Everyone teases me about my gap."_

_Bill thought for a second. "You listen here Sara Bella, you have the most beautiful smile. It's not only beautiful, it makes you unique. Don't ever let anyone ever tell you that there's anything wrong with it. If they can't see that you are the most beautiful and smartest girl in the world then they aren't worth your time. Now, I think I have something that just might do the trick of putting that smile back on your face." He got up and headed for the door. "You just wait right there. I'll be right back." He grinned as he entered the house. _

_Sara was staring out over the lawn when she heard a small whimper. She looked around and found her dad standing in the doorway, a small black ball of fluff in his good hand. The puppy's beetle black eyes rolled around as it squirmed to reach Bill's face with its raspy tongue. Sara jumped up. "Oh Daddy, a puppy!" She hurried over to him and reached out for the puppy. She held him as he nuzzled her neck. "Is it a girl or a boy?" _

"_It's a boy. I hoped you'd like him." Bill smiled as he watched his daughter. _

"_Oh daddy I do, I LOVE him!" She lifted the puppy up and kissed him on the nose, getting a dozen licks on her chin in the process. Sara giggled. "That tickles!" She squealed. "Now, what should I name you?" She thought for a moment, and then smiled. "I know, I'll name you George." _

_This surprised a laugh out of her father. "George? That's an awfully big name for such a little guy." _

"_Oh he'll grow into it. It'll fit him perfectly." Sara smiled, satisfied and bent down to rub George on his belly. After a few moments, she stopped and looked up with a frown. "But what's mama going to say? She's always said no to a dog."_

_Bill sighed. "She'll be okay. She's in a good mood, what with all the guests we have booked for this weekend. You're eleven, and perfectly capable of taking care of a dog. She probably won't even notice the little guy."_

_But she had noticed. When she got home from shopping in town she found Sara on the living room floor scrubbing at a wet spot. George hadn't yet learned to go outside to tinkle. As soon as Laura saw what Sara was doing, she was mad, thinking that Sara had spilt something, but then she heard the dogs whine, and she got that pinched look on her face when she asked what 'that filthy animal' was doing in her house. _

_Sara jumped to the puppies defense, saying that the puppy wouldn't be any trouble, and that she would take care of everything. Laura asked again where Sara had gotten the dog, and Sara had had to tell her that her dad had given him to her. Laura had turned and stomped through the house, looking for her him. The first place she checked was his shop, but he wasn't there. He hadn't gone down there since the week before. On the last Wednesday he'd been upset and gone down there, but Laura had followed and Sara had heard raised voices, then some loud thumps. Later they had come back up saying that Bill had fallen. He'd gone to the emergency room and been told he had a fracture to his ulna. That night after everyone was in bed Sara had gone down the stairs and found the truth. A two by four was laying on the floor, nearly broken in two, and lying beside it was two of her mom's false fingernails. Sara had gotten the picture. She even knew what the argument had been about. Sara had heard her mom go out late on that Monday, and come back in just before daybreak. The news had come that night that the new hotel had had to close due to rodents in the kitchen. Both Sara and her dad had known what Laura had done, though Sara wasn't sure how. Bill had been upset that Laura had stooped to such measures, but felt that she had to do everything she could to keep them afloat._

_Laura found Bill in the back garden and Sara, not wanting to hear anything, took George and headed to her room. She did overhear a few things though. She caught the phrases, 'I don't need this shit', and 'that animal has to go'. Sara hurried to her room and huddled on her bed with the puppy. Strangely her mother was quiet over the next few days. Sara had hopes that her father had gotten though to her and won this argument. Those hopes were dashed on Tuesday afternoon after school. She had come home to find George gone, and her father once again closed in his workshop. The tears Sara had not allowed herself the week before streamed down her face. She could only hope he had been given to a good home, but her father never worked in his garden again, so she had her doubts.

* * *

_

Sara sniffed. The memories making her eyes mist. She had made it back to the terminal and was sitting on one of the hard plastic chairs. After that time, she'd thought she'd never want another dog again, but she hadn't counted on one Gilbert Grissom.

* * *

_Sara smiled as she followed Gil up the front walk. For the first time in years neither one of them had had to work Christmas, and they were planning to spend the next two days snuggled up in his town house. They'd planed out a simple menu for Christmas dinner, and though it wasn't the traditional fare, that was the least of their worries. They just hoped that no one decided to go on a killing spree over the holiday. They reached the door, and Gil hesitated. He turned to look at her with a sheepish look on his face. "I've got a surprise for you." _

_Sara giggled and leaned forward, running her hand down his chest. "Oh you do, do you? Well maybe we should go in and you can show me what it is." She reached up and whispered in his ear. "I've got a bit of a surprise for you too." _

_Gil cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow. "Well, be that as it may, I think I should prepare you for your surprise." _

_Sara was intrigued. "Okay Dr. Grissom, prepare away." She smiled up at him. _

"_Well, I-I wanted to get you something that would give back. I know how you love to go running in the mornings, and I wanted to get you something that would protect you from all that could happen to a lone woman out there." He had been thinking about this since they'd worked a case where a woman had been jogging alone and she'd been attacked and raped. "I also wanted to get you something that would keep you warm on those nights that we're not together."_

_Sara was thoroughly confused now. "You got me something that could protect me, and keep me warm? Ooh, is it Superman's cape? Or, oh I don't know, what is it?" _

_Grissom swallowed and opened the door. Sara stepped in and was almost knocked down when the hefty boxer pup charged her and jumped up, his paws hitting her just above the knee. She regained her balance and turned to Grissom. "You got me a dog?" She was stunned. _

_Grissom nervously cleared his throat. "Yes. See how he can protect you, and keep you warm?" He smiled at her. _

_Sara was speechless. She never would have thought that Gil Grissom would get her a dog. She turned back to look at the dog. He was now staring up at her with wide eyes, his tongue lolling out of his mouth. He suddenly let out a 'woof' and turned and ran to the couch. Then he ran back, jumped up on Sara, then turned and headed back for the couch. "I-I guess he wants us to sit down." Sara slowly walked to the couch, Grissom closing the door and following close behind. She sat down and the dog immediately jumped onto the couch and crawled onto her lap. _

_Grissom laughed. "I think he likes you."_

_Sara ran her hand down the dogs back, and he turned his head trying to catch her hand, giving it a big lick when he did. She took his head in her hands and looked into his eyes. His breed was different, but somewhere in those dark eyes she saw a glimmer of the puppy she'd lost so long ago. She looked at Gil, tears glistening in her eyes. Grissom frowned. "You… you don't like him?" _

"_Oh no, I love him. I just don't know how you knew he'd be the perfect gift. Where did you get him?" Sara was imagining some breeder somewhere counting the cash he'd gotten off the pup. _

"_Where else, the dog shelter. He's a year old, he's a boxer mix. Don't ask me what he's mixed with, they couldn't tell me, but I don't think it was a Chihuahua." He laughed. "He has a name, but we can change it if you want."_

_Sara looked back down at the dog. "What's his name?"_

"_Um, Hank." Grissom watched her as she assimilated this. "I know you dated that guy, Hank, so I'm sure he'd, the dog, would understand if you changed his name." _

_Sara studied the dog, and he studied her back, his ears flicking as he waited. Finally she smiled. "He looks like a Hank, and I don't think we should punish him because some ass hole has the same name. So, Hank it is." She smiled and leaned down and kissed the dog on the nose. She looked back up at Grissom. "Thank you," she reached over and took his hand, "for everything." _

_Grissom smiled, leaned down and kissed her. "You're welcome my dear."

* * *

_

Sara found herself clutching her left hand. Grissom had given her his grandmother's engagement ring, but they had had to take it to be re-sized. They were supposed to pick it up tomorrow. Sara jumped when the loud speaker buzzed. It was followed by the announcement that her bus was loading. As she got up she reached into her purse. She knew she had only talked to him a few hours ago, but she had to remind him about the ring, didn't she?" Turning her phone on, she climbed back onto the bus.

**TBC

* * *

**

**A/n:** Reviews make me happy. If I can't get a share in CSI for Christmas, at least give me this. :P:P


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** CSI does not belong to me, but I've been a really good girl this year, so maybe Santa can bring me a few shares. If not, I'll continue having fun with the characters without pay. :P:P

**A/n**: Okay, I have the feeling that I'm getting too OOC with this. Or at the very least too cheesy. Please let me know what you think.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Sara squirmed to get comfortable in her seat. She'd picked up a book on one of their ten minute layovers, but she just couldn't get into it. Her talk with Gil had helped, but whenever she thought of the road ahead she tensed up. She'd gone so many years just putting the past behind her, and the prospect of facing it head on was daunting. Each successive memory from her past was bringing her closer to the one that was the most painful. She'd told Gil about that day, but she hadn't gone into detail. She didn't look forward to delving more deeply into that day.

Luckily she didn't have to right now. There were other, nicer memories. Of course it wouldn't take much to be nicer, and that was a good thing. Even the happier moments of her childhood were spoiled in the end. She found herself rubbing a spot on her ring finger, and realized that she'd forgotten to remind Gil about picking up the ring. She found herself upset. Not with the thought that the ring wouldn't be picked up, she knew that Gil would either remember, or the jeweler would call and remind him, but she was upset that she had forgotten. Granted, she had a lot on her mind, and they had been interrupted, but she wasn't usually a forgetful person. She'd learned long ago the cost of being forgetful.

* * *

_After the puppy incident, a couple of months went by with relative calm. The Inn had picked up more business, so her mom was too busy with guests to find reasons to chastise her father. As for him, he got the cast off his arm and spent most of his time in his workroom. Sara, more lonely than ever, spent most of her non-school hours helping out where she could. _

_Brian never called or visited, though Sara had never expected him too, so most of the cleaning fell on Sara. She didn't mind. She liked to imagine where each guest was going to, or coming from while she cleaned their room. She never actually got to talk to the guests, her mother strongly discouraged that, but she got the sense that she knew them, just by knowing their choice of luggage, or how each person unpacked. Some would put everything away, neatly folded and hung up, others lived out of their suitcases and left clothes strewn about the room. Luckily Sara didn't have to clean these rooms, just make sure that the towels were replaced, and that they had everything that they needed. _

_Things were fine that way until the day the James's came to stay. They were a young family, the parents in their thirties with two children. The older boy was two years older than Sara, but he seemed so much older. The other child was an infant daughter, and the parents seemed to spend most of their time with her, leaving their son to his own devices. The day she met Derrick James was the day Sara realized that maybe boys weren't so stupid after all. Well, she as to learn that wasn't the case, but for the time being, she was bitten by the smitten bug. The day they arrived Sara had been dusting the hallway table, daydreaming of what she would be when she grew up, and pretending that she was working on and archeological dig, and the feather duster she was using to dust with was a brush she was using to dust away dirt from some priceless artifact. She had been distracted by the sound coming from the front door, and looked up to find the family traipsing in. At first she just turned back to her work, but something made her look back, and there he was, silhouetted by the light in the door, the sun shining off his golden locks, and a smirk on his face like he owned the world. _

_Laura rushed to meet them, and the parents followed her, the father holding the little girl. The boy, however, didn't follow them. Sara looked back down at the dusting and watched his approach out of the corner of her eye. He stopped right next to her. "Hey there, Cinderella." _

_Sara's eyes snapped up to his. "Excuse me?" _

"_I was saying hi, you know, as in hello?" He turned and leaned on the corner of the table she was dusting. _

_Sara barely kept from rolling her eyes. "I know that, but why did you call me Cinderella?"_

_He chuckled. "Well, as I don't know your name, and you're cleaning, it seemed to fit. Why don't you tell me your name, and I'll tell you mine, and we'll get to know each other." _

_All Sara could think was that this guy was SO cheesy, but he was also very cute. She decided to play along. "My name is Sara, and yours?"_

"_Names Derrick. So, what's fun to do around here?" He had leaned one elbow on the table and when she looked up, she found herself looking directly into his eyes. They were a pure deep green. Her mind went blank. "I…"_

"_Sara Sidle, get back to work?" Her mother yelled from the doorway. Sara jerked straight up and nodded. Derrick just smiled and slowly walked into the other room to his parents, passing Laura as she went. As he passed, he winked at her. When he was gone, Laura turned to Sara. "You finish that dusting and then make sure you take out the kitchen trash. And don't talk to the guests. If they ask you a question, refer them to me, and nothing else." Sara nodded and, satisfied, Laura walked away. _

_Sara discovered, however, that it was impossible to ignore Derrick. He seemed to find her no matter what she was doing, and it didn't take long before she had developed one whopper of a crush. His family was staying for two weeks, and it only took him four days to talk her into going swimming with him. Secretly of course, which meant she had to sneak around on her mother. She did her work so that Laura wouldn't complain, but afterward she'd rush to their meeting place and spend hours just talking to Derrick. She found out that he had been adopted because the James's had thought they couldn't have children, and that ever since little Julia was born they'd been paying less and less attention to him. He acted like this was okay with him, but Sara could see the hurt in his eyes. _

_One day, a week after Derrick and his family had arrived, Laura asked Sara to go into town and pick up some flour for some cookies Laura was making for the PTA. She decided to invite Derrick along so that she could show him around town. When they got to town she showed him the bowling ally, and the pizza place where the cool kids hung out after school. He slung his arm around her shoulders and told her that if she wasn't there, the place wasn't cool. Sara blushed a deep red and ducked her head. He cupped hr chin in his hand and lifted her face to look in her eyes. "Never accept anything but respect from people, and when someone pays you a compliment, just say thank you." He grinned and looked up. "So, where do we get this flour? I want to get it to your mom so that you and I can go hang out on the beach." _

_Sara, her blush subsiding, pointed to the small store across the road. "Over there." They glanced both ways, then crossed the road. On entering the store, Sara went directly to get the flour, and headed for the cashier. The owner of the store, Ray Mitchell was working the cash register, and he smiled at her when she walked up. _

"_Hello Sara dear, is that all you'll be needing?" He reached for the flour and rang it up. _

"_Hello Mr. Mitchell. Yes, that's it." When he told her the amount, she dung into her pockets, looking for the money her mom had given her. _

"_Sorry, I put it here somewhere." She murmured. "I know mom gave it to me."_

_Mr. Mitchell's smile turned wistful. "And how is your dear mother? Is she feeling okay?"_

_Sara nodded. She wasn't sure why, but people were always asking how her mother was doing. What she didn't know was that when her mother would come to town she would use make up to make bruises on her arms, and in other discreet places, bruises she would accidentally/on purpose show people in order to illicit sympathy, and maybe a discount on whatever she needed to buy. This had led the town to believe that Bill was abusing her, and she didn't feel inclined to correct them. But, as Sara didn't know that, she just smiled and said she was fine. Sara finally found the money and handed it over. He handed her the change and said with a smile. "There you go sweetheart, tell your mother she's in our prayers."_

_Sara just smiled, nodded, took the flour and left. They walked slowly back to the Inn, and had almost reached it when Sara saw a yellow kitten being chased by one of the local boys. The boy had a belt in his hand, and he was swinging it at the cat whenever it came into range. Without knowing it, Sara emitted a growl and ran after the boy, dropping the flour as she ran. She couldn't see anything but the boy with the belt in his hand, and she could see the kitten had stopped and was cowering near a rock. The boy had raised the belt when Sara reached him. "Jimmy Williams! You leave that cat alone!" She ran up to the boy and he turned around. _

"_Go back on home Sara; this is none of your business." He pushed her away and turned back to the cat. _

_Sara regained her balance and without thinking reached over and grabbed his arm, pulling him away from the kitten. He turned and grabbed her hair, pulling her around. "I told you to leave me alone. Do I have to teach you a lesson too. Maybe you're no better that that bitch cat that scratched me." He'd barely gotten those works out before he was pulled around and shoved to the ground. Derrick stood over him, leaning down to pick up the belt. _

"_I believe you owe Sara an apology." He said, sneering down at Jimmy. _

_Jimmy backed away, crawling on the ground. "Hey, hey I'm sorry man. I didn't know."_

"_Didn't know what? How to treat a girl? Well that's for sure, but I think it's something you'd better learn real quick. Now, tell Sara you're sorry and get your ass out of here." _

_Jimmy mumbled an "I'm sorry", and then got up and ran away, tripping over loose rocks as he went. After he'd gone, Derrick turned to Sara. _

"_Are you okay?" He dropped the belt and walked over to her, helping her up from where she'd fallen to the ground. She nodded, and he put his arm around her, and they turned to walk to the house. The kitten, seeing that the coast was clear, made a break for it, heading in the opposite direction.. _

_When they got back to the house, they sat down on the porch swing. Sara smiled at him. "Thanks. I didn't really think before I acted. I just couldn't stand to see that kitten get hurt."_

_Derrick reached out and pushed her hair behind her ear. "Hey, that's what I like about you. You stand up for the little guy. And you're so darn sweet." He leaned forward, and before Sara knew what was happening, he'd laid his lips on hers. _

_Sara had barely realized that she was getting her first kiss when she heard the front door slam. "Sara Sidle, what the HELL are you doing?!" Her mother rushed out onto the porch, snatched Sara up and pulled her away from Derrick. _

_Sara stuttered, trying to explain what had happened, but all her mother could see was that this boy had had his hands on her little girl. "So, while I'm thinking you're out doing what I asked you too, you're too busy out here letting this boy fondle you"_

_Derrick stood up. "Mrs. Sidle, I'm sorry. We did go and get the flour, but there was some trouble on the way back, and we kinda forgot it." He was going to add something, but Laura didn't let him. She backhanded him, causing him to fall back onto the swing. At just that moment Derricks parents were walking around the corner and they caught the hit. _

_Before she knew what was happening, Sara had been sent to her room, for an undetermined amount of time, and Derrick and his family had packed up and left. Sara hadn't been able to say goodbye to him.

* * *

_

Sara blinked, and came back to the present. That had been the first time she'd ever felt liked for herself, and she had often wondered what would have happened had things been different. Logically she knew that she had been young, and Derrick would have left anyway, but her first love should have been happier. That's why this trip was so important. She wanted her last, and best love to last forever.

* * *

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I don't own CSI, or its characters.

**A/n:** I know this is very short and light, but Ididn't want to get too heavy before the holidays, and the next few chapters may be really hearvy. I will not be updating Masquerade, or Sara's Journey next week, as I've scheduled myself to death. I do hope to write a Holiday fic, but I haven't decided if it will be for Christmas, or New years. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, it really means a lot to me. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, Happy Eid, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy New Years.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Sara opened her eyes as the bus pulled into the station in San Francisco. Surprised she'd slept when she'd been sure she wouldn't, she straightened and got up to follow her fellow passengers off the bus. Stepping off, she covered her eyes with her free hand from the brightly shining sun. She started for the front of the terminal, but got no further than the benches just outside the door. She sat down, staring out into the busy street. 'What are you doing?' She thought, sighing and watching a homeless man wheeling his purloined shopping cart along the sidewalk. She knew where the next step in this journey would take her, but she wasn't sure she was ready for that step. A couple across the street caught her eye. A man and woman were holding hands and strolling at a content pace. The man was wearing a wide straw hat, and it brought to mind a very happy memory.

* * *

"_What do you think?" Sara asked, posing with the novelty sunglasses, pink with two palm trees framing her face. _

_Gil looked up from his perusal of the table in front of him. "Yes, those are you. Make sure to wear them into work. I think Greg would get a kick out of it." Grissom watched as she grinned and exchanged them for a pair of neon green glasses with dice surrounding the rim. _

"_And these?" She struck a pose, one hand on her hip, the other pulling the glasses away from her face so that she could look at him over the top of them. "Aren't they just the thing to be worn by the in the know CSI this season?" She laughed, taking them off and tossing them back on the table. "Okay, enough playing around, we're here for you." She grabbed his hand and pulled him along the aisle filled with bargain items. _

"_Are you sure I need this?" He asked, pulling her back to him, and wrapping his arm around her shoulder. _

_Sara slowed her pace, settling into his arm. "Yes, you need something to protect your skin. The sunburn you got at that last crimescene was bad enough, we don't' need it happening again." _

"_I agree that that particular occasion was bad, but we work the night shift, we're not out in the hot sun very often. I'm just not sure why I need anything more than my department issue cap." He paused to look at a display of key chains, but moved on quickly. "And why come to a flea market?"_

"_First of all, we came to the flea market because it has color, it has atmosphere, and we're not likely to run into anyone we know here. I don't really relish another incident like we had at the mall last week. I practically sprained my ankle when we saw Catherine and you ushered me into that store." She looked around at the milling crowd. "Can you imagine Catherine ever coming here?"_

_Gil chuckled and looked around. "No, I don't think she'd step a well manicured toe in here unless it turned into a crimescene." He looked down at her and noticed the twinkle in her eye. "And if I remember correctly, you managed to fill your time quite well while I was busy talking to her." _

_Sara giggled. "Well that's your fault for pushing me into Spencer's Gifts. They have such a large array of… amusing merchandise." She smiled up at him. "And if I remember correctly, you got great enjoyment out of one of my purchases." _

_His face turned an adorable shade of red as he remembered the item in question. "Well, I always did look good in blue." _

_Sara nodded. "And green, and yellow, and red…" She trailed off as something caught her eye. "Oh, that's exactly what you need." She pulled him over to the table covered with straw hats. Picking one up she, studied it a moment, then placed it on his head. "What do you think?" _

_He looked in the mirror provided and grinned. "I'll admit, I like it. So, you think this is the one?" _

_She nodded. "Yeah, I think it's perfect." She pulled him over to the vendor and paid. She turned back to him and raised an eyebrow. "Well, if there's nothing else, what do you say we go back to my place and see how you look in silver?" _

_He laughed in answer and took her arm, leading her towards the entrance. "I think that's a great idea, and I might have a few others that might appeal to you." _

_

* * *

_Sara stood up and started for the street, the memory warming her and fortifying her for what she had to do. She needed to get this done so her life could go on. First though, she needed a shower and a change of clothes. And maybe a little pick me up from home.

* * *

**TBC...**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I don't own CSI, or any of its characters.

**A/n:** Sorry this is late guys, but it's a long one, and it was pretty intense for me to write, I hope I did it justice.

Special thanks to Aussieforgood, aka Aussie for all her wonderfulness in helping me find my mistakes. You are the greatest! Even if you don't like Monk. :P:P

* * *

**Chapter 7**

The wind was cold as it blew Sara's hair into her face. She stood, staring at the wrought iron gate, she'd been standing there for almost twenty minutes. She shivered as another gust of wind whipped around her. Arms wrapped tightly around her waist, she paced in a circle. "C'mon Sara, you're delaying the inevitable. Either go in there, or leave." The sound of her voice spurred her into action, and she pushed the gate open and began to walk forward. Her steps were slow and measured as she walked among the dead. She read the names off the markers, telling herself that she was just looking for the correct one, but she knew this too was just another delaying tactic. Leaves flitted among stones as if in a game of catch. Stone and marble statues reached into the sky, some like angels ready to take flight to heaven. She dug her hands into her pockets as she walked. She was surprised at how cold the generally mild November weather was. She walked as though she'd walked the path everyday, but it had been years since she'd set foot in the cemetery. Her feet carried her ever forward, images raced through her mind. The happy times, and the sad. She rounded a corner and stopped, finding herself at the place she'd feared to come. Her knees wobbled as she stood there, and she had to sit down quickly on a nearby bench. She read the words on the stone, though they were burned into her mind.

William Fredrick Sidle

Sept. 17th, 1945 – Feb. 9th 1982

Loving father to Sara Bella and Brian William

A life too short, a life too hard, we hope that you can now rest in peace.

Only a year older than she was now, his life had been taken in a moment of sacrifice. Sara's heart pounded as she remembered that day, the day that her foolishness and thoughtlessness killed her father.

* * *

_Sara stared ahead silently, her eyes focused on the undulating couple on the stage. The music swelled as they pulled apart, only to glide back together as if drawn by magnets. The music ended abruptly and the crowd erupted in applause. Sara blinked, realizing that the dance was over. She brought her hands together, applauding loudly. She felt a tug on her arm and she turned to see her friend Angela looking at her. She had tears streaming down her face, but her smile stretched from ear to ear. She grabbed Sara by the arm and pulled her through the crowd. They ran out of the building, their laughter blown away by the gusting wind. _

"_Oh my God! Thank you SO much for bringing me to this." Sara sighed, twirling around in the parking lot. She watched the stars in the sky as she twirled, the cold wind whipping her hair around. She stopped and looked around at the crowded lot. She couldn't remember a time where she'd been so happy. She had a friend, a real friend, not someone who said she was your friend, but turned her back on you when someone more popular came along, and she'd been allowed to come to the fair today with her, and they'd spent all day riding rides and eating cotton candy. Angela, who had moved to Tamales Bay from Los Angles in September, was unlike anyone that Sara had ever known. She'd ignored all the snide comments that the cool kids had made about her baggy clothes, and her hair that always hung in pigtails down her back. Whenever they started in on her she'd give them a cold glare and continue with whatever she was doing. Sara had been assigned to show her around the school on her first day and they'd struck up a fast friendship. Sara had even been allowed to sleep over at her house a couple of times, and they'd stayed up watching TV, something that Sara didn't get to do at home. Angela had introduced her to the Dukes of Hazard, and they each had crushes on the Duke boys, Angela going for Bo, whereas Sara had a thing for Luke._

_Sara felt a thrill at knowing that she was out when she shouldn't be. They'd been at the fair when they'd seen a notice for a dance troupe performing a couple of blocks away. The dancers were Salsa dancers, and Sara had been mesmerized from the first dance, drawn by the fluidity of movement, small touches and caresses that the young Sara had never given thought to. It had stirred emotions in her, previously unknown. _

_She sighed and glanced down at her watch. She blinked at the time, not believing it. "Oh no! It's after eleven, we told your parents we'd be back by ten." She started to panic, thinking of what her parents, or rather her mom would do if she called and found out that her daughter wasn't snug in bed this late at night. _

"_Don't worry, my mom and dad always go to bed before nine, and they know that I'll let myself in when I get home. They don't get all freaked out if I'm a little late, and if your parents call they'll just tell them that we're asleep." She took Sara by the arm and led her to the payphone on the side of the building, making their way through the people now exiting the building. They had been given money to take a taxi home, and Sara hoped that it got there soon. _

_After they'd made the call, Angela turned to Sara. "So, you really liked the dancing?" _

_Sara grinned. "It was just so powerful. I've taken ballet for the last couple of years, and though it can be fun, it leaves me cold. I only do it because my mom would kill me if I quit. I never knew there was a dance with that much passion in it." Sara felt unable to articulate the feelings that the dances had inspired. "I guess it feels… free, unshackled. Ruled by emotion and, and… I don't know, hope… maybe." _

_Angela smiled. "I'm glad you liked it. That's what I want to do when I get older, dance with passion and intensity. But if I don't dance, I want whatever I do to be filled with passion for my job. I don't believe you should do something that leaves you cold, you know what I mean?"_

_Sara nodded, though she didn't know if she did understand. She'd never given much thought to what she would do in the future. If pressed she'd probably say she'd be running her parents Inn, but it wasn't something that she looked forward to. The Inn was her parents place; well actually it was her mom's place. Maybe if her dad had more of a hand in it she'd feel closer to it, but all she ever felt when she thought of it was obligation. She was still mulling this over when the cab pulled up. _

_The ride back to Angela's house was quiet, they were each sleepy from the long day, and the cab was a warm haven from the cold air outside, so their eyes were drooping by the time the cab pulled up to the house. Sara got out, yawing as Angela paid the driver. Sara wrapped her jacket around her and waited for Angela to find the key. After several moments Angela turned to her and whispered. "I can't find the key." _

_Sara blinked. "What? Why not?" She looked around as if the key would appear out of thin air. _

"_I don't know, it's always under this rock." She motioned to the large rock in the flower bed beside the door._

"_Well, if it's not there maybe you should just wake your parents." Sara suggested the only logical thing she could think of. _

_Angela was quiet for a moment then whispered. "I can't do that."_

_Sara hugged herself more tightly and shook her head, trying to understand. "What do you mean, why can't you do it?" _

"_Well, what I said is true, and they don't care if I'm a little late, but… but by a little they mean ten, maybe fifteen minutes, not two hours. They don't expect me to be that late."_

"_But you called them… from the fair, you told them that we were going to see the dance troupe, and that we would be home a little later, right?" _

"_Uh, well I called, but they said that I needed to be back by ten thirty at the latest." She rushed on to explain. "I knew that they wouldn't know when exactly I came in, and I really wanted you to see the dancers, so… so I thought it was worth the risk."_

_Sara's mind raced, trying to figure out what they should do, deciding to deal with everything else later. "Well we have to get in. For one it's freezing out here, for another… well that's enough for now. So, when was the last time you used the key?"_

_Angela was quiet for a moment then said. "Yesterday, I used it to get in after school, and then I went over to your house."_

"_And what did you do with the key?" Sara asked, shivering. _

"_Uh, well if I didn't put it back under the rock, I would have put it in my pocket." She hopped around, trying to keep warm. _

"_So that means it's probably in your room." Sara sighed on discovering that the key would be no help to them. _

_Angela shook her head. "No, remember, you let me try on some of your clothes and your mom called that it was time for dinner, so I left wearing those denim overalls you gave me. The ones you never wear anymore. Well I left my other jeans folded on that chair in your room, so…"_

"_That's where the key is, my house." Sara finished glumly, knowing they were at an impasse. _

"_Is there any way to get into your house?" Angela shivered, and dug her hands into her pockets. _

_Sara turned and began to pace, thinking. "I don't think so. I might have left my window unlocked, but if I didn't I don't know if there is a way. The doors are locked at nine, and though the guests are given a key for if they get in later than that, we only have one guest at the moment, and she doesn't go out at night." Sara stood still, her breath fogging in the air. "Are you sure you can't wake your parents?"_

_Angela sighed. "I'm sorry, but if they knew I'd come in this late, they wouldn't let me go out at night by myself for who knows how long, and I don't know if they'd let you come over anymore." _

_Sara paced a couple of more seconds then turned with a sigh. "Okay, let's go to my house. I think my window is unlocked, but if it's not, maybe I can find another way in."_

_It was a ten minute walk to Sara's house, but they hurried as quickly as they could, hoping to get there quicker. The wind was howling louder as they walked up to the house. They walked around until they could see Sara's window, and Sara stood back, trying to see how to get into the house. She'd never had to sneak in before and she wasn't entirely sure she would be able to. Luckily her father had been painting the trim on the house earlier that day, and he'd left the ladder lying next to the house. Between the two of them, Sara and Angela managed to prop it up against the back the house, her widow being at the very top. Sara took a deep breath and started to climb. She made it all the way up, having to pause now and then when the wind would whip by shaking the ladder. She reached her window, and took a deep breath before pushing up on it. To her relief, it slid open easily. She climbed in, and tiptoed over to the chair that Angela had left her jeans in. She found them and quickly searched the pockets, finding the key. Sighing with relief, she turned back to the window, and was about to climb back out when she heard a noise at her door. She turned around and found her mother standing there. Sara gasped, and gripped the window seal. _

"_Young lady, you'd better have a very good explanation for this." Her mother stood there, hands on her hips, fire in her eyes. _

"_Uh, uh, I… I forgot something…" she trailed off lamely. _

"_You forgot something? I fail to see what you could need at this time of night, when you should be in bed. Do the Oliver's know you're here?"_

"_Um, no." Sara's mind was a blank. She stared wide eyed as her mother advanced. _

"_So what is it you needed?" Laura advanced on her, her hands now clenched at her sides. _

_Sara's mind raced. "I-I – um wanted to um, show Angela something, and um, I, um didn't think it could wait for uh, morning." Sara stammered so badly that she could barely understand herself. _

"_And what was it you needed to get so badly?" Laura asked, her voice ominously even._

"_Ms.- um, Ms. Jenkins gave us an assignment today, and uh, she was having some trouble with it, so I wanted to get my notebook to show her how to figure out the problems." Sara crossed her fingers behind her back and hoped that she bought it. _

"_Interesting, but I'm not sure I believe that. You see, earlier tonight I called the Oliver's' to remind you that you needed to be here by nine tomorrow morning, and they said that you were still out. Now, I distinctly remember telling you that you couldn't be out past eight, so do you mind telling me why you were?" Laura clasped her hands together in front of her. _

_Sara winced. "Well, Angela called her parents to ask if we could stay out a bit later, and they said it would be okay." Sara could see that this argument wasn't going to work. _

"_And since when do you get to do what someone ELSE says? If I say be in by eight, your butt better be in by eight. Why exactly did you two want to stay out so late, hmmm? Did you meet up with a couple of boys? Did you let some boy touch you? Have his way with you?!" With each syllable her voice grew louder until she was shouting. She grabbed Sara's arm. "Did you let some boy put his hands down your pants?! Did you touch some boy? Wrap you mouth around…"!_

"_LAURA!" Sara's father appeared in the door, his face contorted in rage. "Let her go Laura." He said, not sounding like the father Sara knew. His voice was cold as steel. _

_Laura barely spared him a glance. "Stay out of this Bill. Go downstairs, I'll take care of it." _

_Sara was quivering, freezing cold and not from the air coming in the open window. She watched her father come closer. "I said let her go." His eyes were glued to Laura. _

_Laura still paid no attention. It was like he wasn't even there. She gripped Sara harder, pulling her toward the door, never sparing Bill a glance. "I won't allow a little slut in my house. You're going to have to learn how to keep you legs closed." She pulled her into the hall, towards the back stairs, but they didn't make it. Bill strode forward and stopped Laura by standing in front of her. _

"_You won't talk to my daughter like that. Let her go!" His voice had risen, but it still sounded deadly calm. Laura let go of Sara, and gave him a push. _

"_I said leave this to me. Go to your shop or something." Laura reached back for Sara, who had shrank back against the wall, but her father grabbed her mothers arm before she reached her. _

"_I can take a lot from you, but you WILL NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER!" He pulled her towards the stairs. Sara stood immobilized against the wall. She could hear her mother screaming obscenities at him as they went down the stairs. She could hear her fathers voice too, but not what he was saying, just the cold contempt that vibrated in his voice. Sara shook uncontrollably, she slid down the wall and huddled into a ball, tears streaming down her face. She heard several sounds coming from the direction of the kitchen. Flesh hitting flesh, screaming, furniture being knocked around, and then silence. _

_

* * *

__Angela paced in the cold, looking up occasionally to see if she could see Sara. She thought she'd seen her at the window, but she hadn't come out. Finally she decided to climb up and see what was taking so long. As she reached the window, she could hear noises coming from inside the house. Cautiously, she clambered through the window, careful to watch out for anyone hanging around. She didn't see Sara, so she crept towards the door, and that's when she heard the yelling coming from downstairs. She slipped into the hall, and was startled to find Sara on the floor, rocking back and forth. She looked up when the noise from downstairs stopped. She cocked her head, listening. She couldn't hear anything. She knelt down beside Sara. "Sara, what's wrong?" She whispered. _

_Sara didn't respond. She just kept crying, and rocking back and forth. "Sara?!" She said in a harsh whisper. "What is happening?" Still Sara didn't say anything, or give any indication that she knew that Angela was there. Angela reached to shake her, but was startled by a clanking noise from downstairs. Hesitating, she got up and started down the stairs, her knees shaking. She got to the bottom, and peeked around the corner, at first seeing nothing, but then she saw the red dripping down the hall. She looked further in and found Sara's mother kneeling beside her father, who was slumped on the floor. Blood was seeping from the wound in his neck, and Mrs. Sidle was sitting there, staring at him. She must have made a noise without realizing it, because suddenly Mrs. Sidle looked up, and Angela shrank back at the crazed look in her eyes. The look was gone is a second though, and Angela was left to wonder if she'd imagined it. _

_When Mrs. Sidle spoke, her voice was calm. "Angela dear, I think we need to call the police." She placed a hand on her neck, where a red hand print was glowing against her pale skin. Angela didn't know what was going on, but she knew that Mr. Sidle wouldn't be getting up. She turned and ran up the stairs, running into Sara, who had pulled herself up and was heading towards the stairs. She tried to stop her, but Sara didn't seem to even notice her, and she was stronger than she looked. When she reached the bottom of the stairs she stopped and stared. Mrs. Sidle had stood up, and was talking on the phone to the police. Sara stared down at her father in silence for several seconds. Suddenly she blinked, and seemed to come out of whatever fugue state she'd been in. Her eyes darted around the kitchen, taking in the blood spattered walls, and her mother standing by the phone. Then they returned to her father. Angela covered her ears at the keening wail that came from Sara. It rose in volume until the house was filled with her screams. It was only cut off when she fell to the floor, her mind protecting her from the horrible reality._

_

* * *

_Sara blinked and her eyes cleared as she stared down at the stone marker. By the time she'd came to the police were there, and her mom was telling them that her husband had attacked her and grabbed her throat, so she'd done the only thing she could think of . She'd grabbed a knife and stabbed him. She didn't remember how many times, but the coroners report would say that he'd been stabbed at total of six times. Four times in the stomach, once in the chest, and the final cut, the one that had lacerated his carotid artery and would be the one that actually killed him, through his neck. Sara had been numb. Angela had sat beside her, crying. She hadn't left her, and when the police asked her what she'd seen, she'd had to tell them what she'd seen and about the hand print on Laura's neck. The police had questioned the people around town, and they said they didn't see much of Mr. Sidle, but that Laura would be in town a good bit, and from time to time she'd have bruises on her face, or arms, and sometimes she'd limp. Most said that they'd suspected that she'd been abused, but without proof, they didn't feel they should say anything. Years later, when Sara had read the transcripts of the interviews when she'd gone to work for the San Francisco Crime lab, she'd been disgusted. Her father had never laid a hand on her mother, but Laura had arranged it, rather by happenstance or design, that the town would side with her if anything ever happened. Sara sniffed and wiped the tears from her face. "I'm SO sorry daddy. I should have said something. I should have told them that you couldn't hurt a fly, and what living with mom was like." Sara wrapped her arms around herself, rocking back and forth. Those weeks and months following his death, Sara had been nearly catatonic. What was going on around her barely registered. The trial, being sent to a foster home, her mom being sent to a mental institution, it had all happened in a blur. Her brother had come home and arranged the funeral, and he was the one responsible for the inscription on the stone marker, but that was the last time she had seen him. She'd thought of finding him since, but hadn't for one reason or another. 

She sat there for over an hour talking to her father, reliving the good times, crying over how she didn't stand up for him. By the time she left she felt a little lighter, but wasn't sure she was ready for the next step in her journey. She let herself into the hotel room she'd checked in a few hours earlier. She'd left her phone charging and the first thing she did was check to see if she had any messages, and was surprised to find that she did. She sat down on the edge of the bed, and picked up the bedside phone. It rang twice before he picked up, and when he did, he sounded harassed.

"Grissom." Grissom's voice was terse when he answered.

"Hey, I'm just returning your call. You sound stressed." Sara leaned back against the headboard, and crossed her feet.

Grissom gave a relieved sigh. "God, am I glad to hear your voice."

"You sound stressed." She toyed with the phone cord. "Difficult case?"

"Yes, actually. It's a serial and the guy seems to want to make it personal. But I don't want you to worry, it's nothing I haven't seen before. What I want to know is how YOU are doing."

Sara wanted to talk about the case he was working, and find out just how this guy was getting personal with Grissom, but she knew that he wouldn't talk about it unless he was ready, so she sighed and told him about going to see her father. "It was draining, but I did feel more at peace afterward.

"And, where do you go next?" Grissom asked gruffly.

"Well, now I have to find the courage to go see my mother and confront her with what I feel. She killed my father, and she made it look like he was to blame, when he was just standing up for me." She tucked her hair behind her ear. "But I don't really want to talk about that right now. Where are you right now?"

"I'm sitting in my office, buried under paperwork, waiting for Catherine and Warrick to bring me some news." Sara heard a creak as he leaned back in his chair.

"Well, while you're waiting, how bout we talk about something a little more lighthearted." Sara smiled as ideas raced through her mind.

"Exactly what did you have in mind, Ms. Sidle?" Grissom responded, a purr in his throat.

"Well, Thanksgiving is only a few days away, and it brings to mind how we celebrated last year." Sara stretched out further, fluffing the pillow behind her so that she could be more comfortable.

Grissom was silent a moment, then he chuckled. "Well, if I remember correctly, dinner was a disaster, but afterwards was really nice."

"Well, I was thinking about the afterward. When we snuggled up together on the couch to watch that Monk marathon, but we didn't make it though the first episode."

Grissom cleared his throat. "Hmm, yeah I remember. Pumpkin pie never tasted so good."

Sara smiled, and her voice was husky when she returned. "Well, dinner was a wreck; I had to make dessert spectacular."

"And indeed you did." Grissom murmured

* * *

**TBC…**

**A/n:** Soy sorry to do this to you, but the conversation will be continued in Masquerade, so you don't have long to wait. :D:D


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything to do with CSI, except my DVD's, and PC games.

**A/n:** Greens restaurant is an actual restaurant, and the items ordered in this story do exist. And the flashback takes place between the 6th and 7th seasons, and for those of you who know when Sara's birthday is, you will know when they went.

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Sara sighed and reached her arm across the bed, searching for the familiar form that should be there. She groaned at finding only the cold sheet.. She opened her eyes and blinked away from the bright sun coming through a crack in the curtains. Propping herself on one arm, she surveyed the room. There was a single dresser against the wall directly in front of her, a mirror behind it reflecting back her tousled hair and sleep creased face. On one end of the dresser a TV had been mounted, and secured so that it couldn't be stolen. Directly next to it was an oak desk with a chair in front of it. "Definitely not home sweet home." She murmured.

She flopped back down and dragged the extra pillow into her arms, but it was a poor substitute for the feel of her man in her arms. Her eyes began to prickle, and she sniffed, and forced back the tears. It had been her decision to leave, and she had to deal with the consequences. She rolled over and pulled herself into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. The day stretched ahead of her and she thought with dread of the path she had to travel. She'd felt so much lighter yesterday after visiting her father's grave, and she wasn't ready to lose that feeling.

She stood and paced. She wasn't ready to… her heart pounded at the mere thought of seeing her mother. She stopped suddenly and stomped her foot. "The last week, no, make that the last six months have been hell, and it won't hurt if I take one more day before facing the dragon." She walked to the window and looked out. Whatever else could be said about this hotel, it did have a spectacular view. It was located near the water, and now she gazed out at the boats coming in with the early morning catch. She smiled as she remembered the time when she and Grissom had snuck in a quick trip to her hometown for her birthday.

* * *

"_I can't believe we have two whole days to ourselves where we don't have to pretend, or watch what we say." Sara sighed as she stood with Grissom on the pier watching the gulls swooping over the water. She reached out and took his hand in hers. "Look, I can even touch you without being afraid of what eyes may be watching." She grinned up at him. _

_Grissom pulled her hand up to his lips and pressed a kiss to her fingers. "Two days of being able to look at you and touch you," he lifted his free hand and caressed her face, "and kiss you." He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers. _

"_And I can stroke your beard, and run my fingers through your hair." She accompanied each statement with the appropriate action. "And of course kiss you with no thought to who might be watching." Their lips met again and this time she flicked her tongue against his lips, and he immediately allowed her entrance. _

_Several minutes later they broke apart, their breath mingling as they worked to steady themselves. "Hmm, as much as I'd love to stand here all day and make out with you, we did come down here for a reason, and that was so I could show you all my favorite places." She turned and linked her arm in his, guiding him into the stream of people swarming around them. "And now we're heading for my favorite restaurant. Greens restaurant is the best vegetarian restaurant in the city, and it has the best views." _

_Grissom smiled down at her, content to follow whatever path she wanted to take. He found it hard to believe sometimes that she was with him, and when he thought of all those years of resistance he could kick himself. He'd never been so content, finally at ease with his life. Sure their relationship came with its pitfalls. If anyone at the lab found out about them their careers could be in jeopardy, and so they were constantly looking over their shoulders, making sure that no one saw them, watching how they acted at work, which got hard when they would have a particularly difficult case and all he wanted to do was talk to her and hold her to sooth whatever stress the case was causing, but he wasn't able to do that. They would generally end up spending their time together at home, his or hers, watching movies, playing games, but mostly making love. He would never have guessed that he would be so insatiable, but being with Sara had awakened a sleeping sexual monster. _

_They entered the restaurant and Sara glanced at her watch. "Good, we're in time for brunch." She glanced at him. "They used to make the best frittata, and though the menu changes every day, I hope that we'll get lucky and they'll have it today."_

_She turned and smiled at the approaching hostess, asking her for a table by the windows so that they'd have a view of the harbor. They took their seats, and indeed the view was breathtaking. They placed their drink orders and talked while they waited for their waitress. "So, where to after we eat?" Grissom asked, reaching across the table and taking her hand. _

_Sara smiled as he rubbed his thumb along her knuckles. "Well, I WAS thinking of doing some typical touristy things, but I might be persuaded to explore our hotel room a little more."_

"_Really, well I'll just have to see what I can pull out of the bag." He smiled, and nudged her ankle with his sock clad foot._

_Sara's eyes grew large and she whispered. "You wouldn't?!"_

"_My dear, you DO inspire me." His foot slid up her calf, but before it could get too distracting their waitress came up. _

"_Welcome to Green's, today's special is our Pappardelle made with fresh asparagus and snap, snow and English peas along with other fresh vegetables bought at the market this morning, and served with levain bread." She handed them each a menu. "And here are the other selections available for brunch today. I'll give you a few minutes to look it over and I'll be right back with your drink." _

_She walked away, glancing back at the grinning couple every few steps. The woman seemed familiar, but she couldn't quite place her. Shaking her head, she started to prepare their drinks. _

"_Oh goody, they do have the Frittata Mexicana! No more thinking for me, I know exactly what I want. How about you?" Sara leaned forward, grinning at the look of concentration on his face. She reached over and soothed the furrow between his eyes. "It's a brunch order, not the evidence that could break a case. Why don't you get the Pan de Mei French toast? _

"_He looked up at her in surprise. "You'll let me have French toast? _

"_Well, we ARE on vacation, I figure we can splurge a bit, and it's not like back home at Frank's, slathered in butter and syrup, and nothing nutritional about it. Theirs has fresh fruits and, Mmmm, cinnamon mascarpone cheese and maple syrup. You know you're going to give me some of that, don't you?" She laughed at the look on his face. "Don't worry; I'll give you some of mine too."_

_She looked up when the waitress sat their coffee down in front of them. "Okay, we're ready. I would like the frittata Mexicana and he'll have the French toast." She smiled as she handed the menus to the waitress, who gasped. _

"_Sara? Sara Sidle? Oh my God, I can't believe it's you." The waitress beamed down at Sara _

_Sara shook her head, confused. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" Sara stared at her, trying to remember where she might know her from. _

"_It's Julie, Julie Wilson, from Tamales Bay. We went to school together." The waitress expanded. _

_Sara suddenly inhaled, long dormant memories rising from the dark recesses of her mind. "Ah, Julie, how have you been?" She asked the hint of bitterness in her voice only noticed by Grissom. _

"_Good, can't complain." Julie propped a hand on the table and sank down to her knees. "So, how have you been? I mean I haven't seen you since they took you away…" She trailed off, looking at Grissom. "Oh, she wasn't arrested or anything, but her poor mom had to…"_

"_No, we haven't seen each other for quite some time." Sara broke in. "I'm a forensic investigator for the Las Vegas Crime lab now, actually we both work there. Oh, where are my manners? Julie Wilson, this is Dr. Gil Grissom, Gil this is an old school mate of mine, Julie." _

_Grissom smiled at Julie, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He could tell this woman hadn't been a real friend to Sara. "Nice to meet you." He murmured. _

_Sara smiled at him then turned to Julie. "So, what have you been doing?" _

"_Oh, well you know, or maybe you don't, but I married Aaron Brubaker right after graduation, and well that didn't work out, but I got four beautiful kids out of it, and I make pretty good money here, and it gives me time to spend time with my kids, and take in the cultural events held in the fort." She smiled and shifted her weight. "So, what does a forensic investigator do?" _

_Grissom answered this one. "A forensic investigator is a scientist that goes into a crimescene and analyzes the evidence left behind to find proof of who committed the crime, and how. The Las Vegas crime lab is the number 2 lab in the country, second only behind the federal lab at Langley, and they're lucky to have an investigator the likes of Sara. She's one of the best." He punctured this statement with the glide of his foot up the inside of her leg. "Not only is she the smartest woman I know, she's the most beautiful."_

_He smiled at Sara and she smiled back. "And you my dear are the smartest and most handsome." Sara teased, taking matters into her own hands, so to speak, and gliding her own foot up his leg. "We certainly both know how to get our man."_

_Julie cleared her throat, and stood up. "Well, I'll go put in your order. It's been nice seeing you again." She turned and left, her face burning from the look in their eyes when they looked at each other. She had fairly felt the sizzle in the air from the heat of their gazes. _

_Sara smiled. "Thank you." _

"_I could see she wasn't someone you wanted to talk to, and you ARE the smartest and most beautiful woman I know." He smiled as he raised his foot higher. She followed suit. "Ahem, so… how DID you know her?"_

_Sara sighed. "She was a friend in grade school, but by the time we got to middle school she'd become a supreme bitch, and made it known that I wasn't good enough for her crowd." _

_He reached over and soothed his fingers over her frown. "Well I'm in no position to judge, but I think you came out on top of that, and I am the luckiest man in the world that you deign to mingle in my crowd, because I'm sure I'm not good enough."_

_The got a chuckle out of her. "Gil Grissom you know better than that." She slid her foot up further, nuzzling his growing arousal. "I'm very happy with our cozy crowd of two, and if the food doesn't come very soon, we'll just have to chalk it up as a loss, because they're not going to let us get out of here without paying, and I can't wait much longer to have you pressed against me. _

_Grissom stared at her for a moment before standing up in a rush and reaching for his wallet. He threw some twenties down and grabbed her hand, pulling her up. Without hesitation she followed him out of the door. _

_

* * *

_Sara continued to stroll down the pier, as her mind raced through the memories of that weekend. They had ended up spending the rest of their time in the hotel room, except for a short excursion to Fisherman's Wharf, where they'd had their picture taken. A picture that now sat on a bookshelf in Gil's study. Sara reached the end of the pier and stared at the whitecaps as they rolled into each other. It had been much warmer when they'd been here, and she shivered as the wind coming off the ocean chilled her. As she stood there her mind returned to that meeting with Julie. She had no desire to see her again, but thinking of her brought to mind a real friend that she wouldn't mind a visit with. She turned and walked back up the pier. She would look up her best friend Angela, the only person, other than Gil, who might understand what she had gone through. She had also been there on that terrible night, and maybe she could offer another perspective to it. Smiling, she headed off to do a little research. 

**TBC…**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I own… what's the word? Oh yeah, NOTHING.

**A/n**: Just a note, I wrote the majority of this chapter with a headache and feeling generally ill, so let me know if something doesn't make sense. I want to give a massive thank you to Chelles, who gives the best reviews, they really mean a lot, and to Aussie who will hopefully catch any really bad typos before anyone else reads them. You guys are great.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

Sara hurried through the streets, excited about something for the first time in a while. First she'd check the phone book, and if that didn't work maybe she could get in touch with Angela's parents and find out where she might be living. She didn't know what she would say, she hadn't seen her in so long, but it would be good to connect with a happy part of her childhood, even if it had merged in the end with the worst of her childhood. Angela would be able to give her the impressions that she had of that night. Sara knew that her own memories of that night were hazy and filled with pain and she hoped that with Angela's help, she'd get a clearer perception of the past, and she'd find it easier to face what the future held. Plus, she'd just really like to see her old friend. The last time she had seen her, Sara hadn't been aware it would be the last time.

* * *

_Sara looked up as the door opened. Angela edged her way in, balancing the food tray as she pushed the door shut. "Hey, I'm glad you're awake. Mom thought you should eat something." She walked over to the bed and sat the tray down. "C'mon, you have to eat." She urged. _

_Sara blinked, staring at the food. "I don't know if I can." She muttered as she turned her head away. _

_Angela stared at her, her heart heavy for her friend. She dropped her head and watched her fingers trace the pattern in the bedspread. "Mama says that they want you to go visit your mom soon. She's worried that they might make you do something you don't want to do." She changed position on the bed, crossing her legs and bringing them up to wrap her arms around them, propping her chin on her knees. "I told her that you wouldn't let that happen. Sara, you're one of the strongest people I know. You've lived through so much, and you have such a strong sense of who you are. I know that no matter where your life leads, you're going to come out on top. Don't let this break you. Eat, keep your strength up. _

_Sara was silent for a moment then looked up. "You sound so sure. How can I be strong, I don't even know what's going to happen now. It's been two weeks, and I still keep thinking that all I have to do is go home, and daddy will be there, waiting to take me fishing, or help me with my homework. But he's not, and the kids at school just stare at me like I'm a freak. Julie actually said, where I could overhear her, that I should be happy because now I wouldn't have to do any work because the teachers would all give me A's no matter what I did." As she talked she sat up and began stirring the soup on the tray. "Yeah, like that makes my mom killing my dad worth it. And you know what? I always got A's anyway, so where does she get off saying something like that?" She lifted the spoon to her month and swallowed the warm tomato soup. _

_Angela snorted. "You know better than to listen to her. She couldn't make an A if she was given the answers to the test the day before." That surprised a laugh out of Sara. " You know, if you told her we were going to have an oral exam, she'd brag about how easy it would be since she'd practiced so much with her boyfriend." _

_Sara giggled. "Now you know that's not true." She admonished trying to keep a straight face, but failing. "Even he says she's no good at oral."_

_Angela laughed. "Well, at least she's good for one thing. It's good to see you smile again." She looked down at the tray. "And look, you finished your dinner." _

_Sara looked down surprised. Indeed, the soup was gone as well as the grilled cheese sandwich that had accompanied it. "Well, I guess I was kind of hungry." She smiled. "Thanks. And tell your mom thanks for me." Sara sat back against the pillows. "So, tell me. What are people saying?"_

_Angela cleared her throat. "Well, people don't say much around me. They know…" She was interrupted by a knock at the door. Angela's mom poked her head in._

"_Sara dear, you have a phone call." Sara frowned, but got up and walked through the door. She picked up the phone on the hallway table and asked. "Hello?"_

"_Ms. Sara Sidle?" Asked a nasally voice. After Sara had affirmed that she was indeed Sara Sidle the voice continued. "My name is Jerold Joiner and I'm your mother's lawyer. We'd like you to come down tomorrow and give your deposition." _

_Sara's heart began to pound. She didn't think she was ready to talk about that day, but she cleared her throat and remembering Angela's words about her being strong, asked. "What time, and where?"_

_Mr. Joiner told her when and where and after instructing her to get the facts straight in her head, rang off. Sara put the phone down slowly and turned and headed back down the hall. When she entered the bedroom Angela immediately got up and on seeing the look on her face, asked. "What's wrong?"_

_Sara told her what the lawyer had said and when she was done, Angela gave her a hug. "So, do you want to go over that night with me?_

_Sara shook her head. "I don't even want to think about it right now. I want to do something fun, something that'll help me keep it off my mind." _

_Angela frowned, not sure that was the way to go, but she didn't want Sara to be upset, so she shrugged. They had spent the night watching TV and playing games, and had fallen asleep in the early morning hours. _

_Hours later Sara was sitting in the lawyer's office, going over what happened the night her father died and when she was done there, she had to do it all over again for the prosecution. No one asked about what had happened in the house before. She didn't get the chance to tell of the times her mom had hit her dad. By the end of the day she was feeling frustrated and ready to go back to Angela's and that was when the bomb had been dropped. She wasn't going back there. They were sending her to some home for girls until she could be placed in a foster home. She'd begged to be taken back, to at least say goodbye, but they hadn't even listened to her. Her clothes were brought to her, and she hadn't seen Angela again until the day of the trial. She hadn't been able to hear the testimony, but from what she saw it didn't go well. She was sitting in the hall when Angela had come out of the courtroom, her face wreathed in tears. They had tried to talk, but before they could, Angela had been whisked away, and in the ensuing months, Sara and barely had time to remember those days with her friend.

* * *

_

Sara had called around and done as much research as she could do, and all she had been able to find out was that Angela and her parents had moved away from Tamales Bay years before. Not willing to give up, Sara dug around in the newspaper morgue and finally came upon the obituary for Angela's father. He had died five years earlier, and it mentioned that he was survived by his wife, and a daughter who lived in Las Vegas Nevada. Sara sat stunned. After all these years, the friend she'd been forced to leave had been in the town she had made her home for the last few years. They could have shopped at the same stores, or used the same gym.

Feeling energized, Sara made her way back to her hotel room, and immediately called Grissom on reaching it. She tapped her foot as she waited for the phone to be picked up.

"Grissom." Came his weary voice over the line. Immediately Sara put off her immediate request and tuned into his tone.

"Hey, what's wrong, and don't say nothing. I haven't heard you sound like this since before your sabbatical."

Sara heard some paper rustling and then Grissom cleared his throat. "It's just this case. Not only is it a horrendous case, but there is a history with one of the suspects, and it… it's getting kind of hairy. But, hearing your voice helps all that fade away. So, what have you been doing?"

"Well, today I went down to the pier, and I was remembering when we were there a couple of years ago." Sara smiled.

"Oh yeah, that WAS a good trip. Didn't we spend most of it in the hotel room?" She heard Grissom shift in the chair.

"Well yeah, but I didn't miss seeing any of the sights, after all, I had the best sight in front of me, and I could do ANYTHING I wanted to with it." Sara made herself comfortable on the bed.

Grissom was silent for a moment, then. "Well, it couldn't have rivaled the view from my perspective. I especially like that little lady bug that lives just above your navel."

Sara laughed. "Well, personally I found counting your freckles the best entertainment I'd had in a long time."

"What? I don't have any freckles." Grissom chuckled.

"Well, yeah you do. They're just not where you can see them, and you were asleep when I counted them, though you did wake up pretty quick once I started kissing each one." Sara remembered with a smile.

"Ah yeah well, I didn't know you were kissing freckles. You should let a man know these things." He laughed, and Sara was glad to hear him sounding much more relaxed.

"So, there was another reason I called, other than to plant x-rated thoughts in your head." Sara crossed her legs. "Do you remember that waitress we met at that restaurant? The one that knew me from school?"

"Yeah, the one you didn't like." Grissom answered.

"Well, when I was thinking about that, I remembered a real friend that was there when my father was killed, and she was really there for me afterwards, until the state dumped me into a series of homes that is. Well, I was thinking that she might be able to give me a different perspective of that night, since she was there. Well, I found out that she's actually living in Las Vegas, and I was wondering if you could look her up for me, and give her my number here. I know she probably won't be able to drop everything and come out here to see me, but maybe I can at least talk to her over the phone." Sara finished and sighed. "What do you think?"

"Honey I'm glad to do whatever I can do to help. Just give me her name, and I'll look her up." Sara heard paper rustling again, and could imagine him flipping through a notepad for a clean page. "Okay, give me her name."

"When I knew her, her name was Angela Oliver, but she may have married since then. Hopefully she'll be easy enough to find though." Sara smiled and waited for him to say something, but he remained silent. "Gil? Did you hear me?" Still no answer. "Gil?"

Finally he answered. "Angela Oliver? Are you sure that's her name?"

"Of course, unless she's married now. But that was her name then." Sara answered, puzzled.

"What about her parents? Did you ask them?" Grissom asked, sounding stilted.

"Her father died a few years ago, and I don't know where her mother is. For all I know she could be dead too. I actually learned she was in Las Vegas through her dad's obit." Sara crossed her arms concerned. "Gil, is something wrong?"

"No, I may have just gotten some important information on my case. Can I call you back later?" Grissom asked, distracted.

"Sure, work comes first. I'll talk to you later."

"Definitely, love you."

"Love you too, bye." He said a quick bye and hung up. "Well, that was weird." Sara muttered.

She put the receiver down and flipped on the TV, smiling when she found a Ghost Hunters marathon on SciFi. What better way to forget your troubles for a while then by watching a crack team of investigators debunk paranormal happenings, and she especially loved it when Jason had to admit something was haunted. It was like getting Gil to agree that someone was guilty. The evidence had to be damn good.

* * *

**TBC...**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** I don't own CSI or any of its characters.

**A/n:** Thanks to everyone for being so patient. My greatest thanks go out to Aussieforgood and Chelles who have helped me immeasurably. You guys are the GREATEST!

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Sara pulled her rented car into the car park facing the bay and found an empty parking space. She shifted into park and sighed as she looked up and took in the view in front of her. The water in the bay lapped gently as the setting sun streaked across it.

She hadn't been able to put this off much longer, and she sighed again as she looked down at her phone. It had been a full day since she'd talked to Gil and she was disappointed that he hadn't been able to get back to her before she'd had to leave the hotel.

She watched as a boat chugged its way out to one of the many oyster farms in the bay and wondered why life couldn't be as simple for her.

Getting out of the car she walked around to lean on the hood watching as the boat kept going; steadily working its way through the whitecaps.

She stood there until the boat had disappeared and the sun sank lower into the sky. She sighed and glanced at her watch. It was nearing seven o'clock and Sara knew if she didn't leave soon she'd have to wait until morning. She straightened and walked around to get back in the car. The time for stalling was over, she was ready to face the final barrier to a happy future.

Unfortunately it was out of her hands.

* * *

Sara pulled up to the B&B and as the headlights bounced across the sign she noticed that the name was different. That didn't really surprise her as she didn't expect her mother to keep the name her father had given to it, but the name itself WAS surprising. "The Tickle Your Fancy Hideaway Inn," Sara read out loud. 

She parked in a small lot next to the house that hadn't been there before. When she'd lived there the guests would have to find their own parking, usually in the back yard causing her mother's temper to rise. "Looks like she finally put a stop to that," Sara muttered as she got out of the car.

She walked up the front steps, her gaze locked on the door. When she reached it she took a deep breath and opened it with a quick pull.

The sight that met her was shocking to say the least. Where the hall walls had once been a soft cream they were now a deep red with thin stripes of black. The once gleaming wood floor was covered in black carpeting, and a chandelier with dangling black and gold beads hung where there had once been recessed lighting.

When she walked into the living room she found more changes. Before she could really wrap her mind around the décor, a woman came forward, extending her hand. "Welcome to The Tickle Your Fancy Inn, I'm Rona Wilder," she said looking behind Sara as though she expected to find someone there. "Will your partner be joining you later?"

Sara cleared her throat. "My partner?"

Rona shrugged. "Or partners, we don't discriminate, the more the merrier."

"I'm sorry, I think you've got the wrong idea," said Sara as her gaze traversed the room. "I-I'm looking for Laura Sidle. She used to own the Inn."

Rona smiled and nodded. "Ah, yes, that's who I bought the place from."

Sara frowned. "Would you know where she is now?"

"I'm sorry Darlin', we only met the once and even that was only for a few minutes." She gestured to one of the black leather couches that now resided in the room. "Why don't you sit down, I'll get you something to drink. Is coffee okay?"

Sara nodded numbly and barely noticed as Rona left the room. She had never thought of this possibility. Her mother had always been so attached to the house. Sara had been surprised that she'd returned to it after she'd been released, but her mother had been adamant that she live here, or so her mother's lawyer had said. As for Sara, the last time she'd seen her mother had been in the hospital. She had thought it would be the last she would ever see her mother.

* * *

_Sara stared wide eyed at the imposing white building as the car pulled under the awning. She turned to look at the man sitting at the wheel and wanted to scream at him to take her away from here, but not a peep escaped her. The lawyer turned to her and smiled. "Your mother will be glad to see you. I know you must be worried about her, but she'll only be here a short time. We're confident that she'll be found to have acted in self defense and be released to get back to her normal life. You'll be back together in no time, just wait and see. _

_Sara blinked up at him and wanted to say that she didn't want to be with her mother, but her voice seemed to be frozen in her throat, so instead she nodded and turned to open the door. _

_They walked up a long path and Sara looked around noting the flower beds that were flourishing with pansies. Small round bushes dotted the lawn and Sara was certain that in spring roses would bloom from them. They reached the front doors and the lawyer held one open for her. She took a deep breath and walked in. _

_Her first impression of the room they entered was of space and light. The marble floor gleamed, and in the sitting area a grouping of tan sofas and chairs surrounded blonde oak coffee tables. The windows were covered in gauzy white and gold curtains. The ceiling soared overhead and there were several gold and crystal chandeliers hanging from it. _

_The lawyer lead Sara to a large desk at the back of the room where they were greeted by a stout woman wearing a severe suit, her grey hair done up in a tight bun. "How can I help you?" she asked as she looked at them over her wire rimmed glasses. _

_The lawyer pulled out his ID and gave it to the woman. "I'm Jerold Joiner, lawyer for Laura Sidle and I have with me her daughter, Sara Sidle." He took his ID back and stuffed it into his pocket. "We'd like to see her as soon as possible."_

_The lady peered down at Sara who was still glancing around the room. "Take a seat, I'll let them know you're here," she said, nodding at the grouping of couches. _

_Sara sat, shivering even though the room was warm. She was surprised at how nice the place seemed for a mental institution and she was torn between being disappointed that the place her mother was in wasn't a little drearier, and being glad that the place wasn't as scary as she'd imagined._

_There was a loud buzzing and a tall man in a lab coat came out of the door next to the desk. He gestured for them to follow him and they made their way through the door. _

_The atmosphere on this side of the door was far different. The smell almost took Sara's breath away. It was a mix of stringent floor cleaner and cigarette smoke, with a hint of peppermint. The walls were a stark white as was the tiled floor and except for the odd grey cart or yellow 'wet floor' cone, there was no color anywhere. _

_The man led them to a small waiting room where they were asked to sit in hard plastic chairs. The man introduced himself as Dr. Cantrell, the doctor in charge of her mother's care. He explained that Laura was holding up well, but that she did miss her daughter, and he was glad that Sara had come for a visit._

_He excused himself and Sara's heart began to pound. She hadn't seen her mother since that night, and she was nowhere near ready to see her now. _

_It seemed only a minute later that the door opened again and her mother was standing there in a pink robe and slippers. She smiled on seeing Sara, but Sara could see the coldness behind the smile. _

_Laura rushed to Sara and threw her arms around her. Sara tensed and Laura whispered, so only Sara could hear, that Sara had better hug her back or she'd regret it. _

_Sara reluctantly wrapped her arms around her and patted her back awkwardly. When Laura pulled back she gave her the same cold smile. "How are you doing, Darling?" _

"_Fine," Sara whispered. _

_Laura looked at her lawyer, her smile turning warmer. "Jerold, Dear, how are you?" _

_The lawyers eyes had glazed over and he nodded absently. "I'm doing well, but how are you?" he asked, and Sara barely restrained from rolling her eyes. Her mother had this guy wrapped around her little finger. _

"_Oh, well, things could be better, but I'm being treated well and I know I'll soon be out of here and back home where I belong." _

"_But surely you don't want to go back to that house!" Jerold said in surprise. "You shouldn't go back to where your life was such a misery."_

_Sara nearly gagged, but Laura just smiled. "Dear, it's my home. No, my time there was never easy, but I put a lot of myself into that Inn and I still want to make something out of it. I'm not going to let that bastard take that away from me."_

_At those words Sara saw red and she jumped up. "How dare you! My father always did what needed to be done to keep that place up and running. He dealt with you and your demands and always managed to have a smile on his face when I came home. How dare you suggest he did anything less?!" _

_Laura did not move from where she was sitting, she simply smiled her cold smile and shook her head. "Dear, I know that's the way it seemed to you, but there were things that happened that you aren't aware of. Your father only showed you his good side. He kept the other side of him, the cruel side, just for me."_

_Sara shook her head so hard that her hair whipped around her face. "What about all the times he had to go to the hospital, huh, and all the times HE had cuts and bruises?!" _

"_Your father loved nothing more than to work in that shop of his; unfortunately he was always a rather clumsy man and would injure himself frequently."_

"_Yeah, and that seemed to happen whenever you would visit him down there. What a coincidence," Sara scoffed. _

_At this point the lawyer piped up. "Sara, Dear, children can often be blind to the abuse that goes on right under their noses. I know you loved your father, but you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that he hurt your mother. But your mother is still here for you, and when this is all over you and she can get back to a more normal life."_

_Sara stared at him but jerked to look at her mother when she spoke. "Yes, Dear, You and I will have such a wonderful time together." She reached a supplicating hand out to Sara. _

_Sara backed up, shaking her head. "NO! That will never happen! I don't care what happens to you, but I won't be there. I'd rather live with strangers than to ever see you again!" she yelled. She turned and ran out of the room, running all the way back to the front room, out the door, only stopping once she reached the car. _

_A few minutes later the lawyer came out and silently unlocked the car. Once they were on their way he spoke up. "I know that right now you're feeling very emotional. Your mother understands, she said that she'll be ready when you want to talk."_

_

* * *

_But that had never happened. Sara had only gone to the trial to see what happened, and she had never seen her mother. After the trial, where her mother had been found to have acted in self defense, Sara had gone to live with her Aunt June, father's sister, who lived in Massachusetts. 

Aunt June had been the one to encourage Sara in her studies and had helped her when she decided to attend Harvard.

For a while after the trial her mother's lawyer would call, trying to get her to come back and live with her mother, but Sara had resisted and eventually he'd stopped calling. Her mother had never called, and for that, Sara was grateful.

Sara heard a noise and looked up. Rona was coming back with the coffee. She took the mug she was handed and thanked her, slowly sipping the hot liquid. "Do you happen to know where she went, Laura Sidle?" Sara asked without looking at Rona.

"I'm sorry, no. She mentioned that she wanted a new start and the only way she'd get that was to sell this place. It was actually in quite bad shape when I bought it, and hadn't seen a guest in months, if not years." She watched as Sara sipped her coffee. "May I ask why you're trying to find her?"

Sara looked up with a jerk. She drew in a deep breath and exhaled before she answered. "She's… she's my mother. I lived here when I was a child, we… um, we haven't seen each other in years, but I've found recently that I needed to talk to her."

Rona shook her head. "I'm truly sorry. Maybe someone in town knows where she went. I know she talked of a couple of friends she would miss. I'm sure someone knows something."

Sara sighed. "I suppose, would you happen to have a room available?" she asked looking around.

Rona cleared her throat. "Sure, but I must warn you. This isn't the quaint Inn it once was. This is a place where people looking for a little privacy can come to live out their fantasies, their sexual fantasies that is. Our motto is, 'You Fancy It, We'll Provide It".

Sara looked around again, taking in the room again. On closer inspection she could see that the paintings were of nude people laying about in fields and luscious rooms, enjoying the attentions of other nude people. "Oh, well, I live in Vegas, so there's not much I haven't seen. As long as it's all legal I guess it's your right to run the kind of business you want. Is it possible for me to get a room away from your other guests? I'm not a prude, but running across an experimenting couple on the way to my room at night might be a little much."

Rona smiled. "Sure, that can be arranged. Follow me."

* * *

**TBC…**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** I don't own CSI or any of its characters. The story and everything else is mine.

**A/n:** I want to thank Chelles for helping me with those things I have trouble with. I tried to put your advice to use in this chapter; I hope I managed to fix the things we talked about. Please let me know if I did. Also, thanks so much to Aussie for catching so many of my typos. You're both the greatest. :D:D

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Sara stepped out onto the porch and breathed in the cool, brine scented air. The breeze ruffled her hair and she quickly brought up her hands and pulled it back, wrapping a rubber band around it. She looked around, watching as the wind whipped the leaves around the ground. With a deep sigh she started down the steps, noting as she did that they were the same steps that her father had installed when she was a kid. She felt pride that her father's work had lasted so long and looked around for other things that he had made.

At the far end of the porch, hanging from the tall oak, she glimpsed the tire swing that he'd hung for her brother, and on the other end of the porch, she noted with some surprise, was the porch swing that he'd made and hung when she'd been a baby. She remembered many times as a little girl cuddling up with him on that swing while he pointed out the constellations.

With a smile on her face and lightness in her step, she started down the path to town. She could have taken her car but she felt a need to retrace the steps of her childhood. A few minutes later she found herself standing outside of Angela's old house. From the state of the house she could see that no one lived there now. She walked up to the small porch and found the rock that used to hide the spare key. She picked it up, finding nothing, just like on the night her father died. Dropping the rock she turned and headed back down the path to town.

The town had changed little in the intervening years. A few stores had been added; a Blockbuster's occupied the space where Dyer's shoe store had once been, and more fast food restaurants had sprouted along the road where once only trees grew. Mitchell's Grocery still stood proud in the middle of town, looking fresh with a bright coat of paint on the awning; the bricks looked as though they'd been sandblasted until they were clean as the day they were laid.

Rona had said that old Mr. Mitchell might know where her mother had gone. Deciding not to put it off any longer she crossed the street and entered the store. The man standing at the cash register was older than she remembered, but not as old as she'd expected. He might have been in his sixties, and though he was balding, he'd kept himself up pretty well. He was with a customer, so Sara wandered over to the candy stand and absently picked up a bag of M&Ms. The customer left and Sara took a deep breath before heading over to the register. She laid down the candy. "Hello, Mr. Mitchell," she said, nervously.

He looked up and Sara expected him to be unsure of who she was, but he surprised her. "Sara Sidle, my dear, it's good to see you." He held out his hand and when she extended her own, he grabbed it with a hearty shake. His smile beamed down at her. "Goodness, but it's been years!" he said with a laugh.

Sara smiled. "It's good to see you too, Mr. Mitchell." She withdrew her hand when his grip loosened and clasped her hands on the counter. "How have you been? I see the town has changed little."

"Oh, there have been changes, some small, some too large for some to bear." He shifted and extended his hand to a group of chairs behind the register. "Sit, sit, tell me what you've been doing." He sat down and patted the chair next to him.

Sara cleared her throat, wondering how much to tell him. "Well, I'm a forensic investigator in Las Vegas. I'm...," Sara took a deep breath, "I'm engaged, to a man I work with." She had meant to tell him as little as possible, but as soon as she started talking it seemed she couldn't stop. She talked and talked, telling him of how she met Gil Grissom and how she'd chased him for years. Finally she made herself stop before she went into things in more intimate detail. It was just such a novel thing, to be able to talk about her love without feeling as if she was being judged, or just to be able to talk at all.

When their relationship had come out at the lab she'd thought they'd get more questions, but no one had ever even given her a questioning look. She'd heard Greg intimate that he'd known all along, and maybe he'd had some kind of intuition about it, but she doubted it was more than that. She'd really expected Catherine to ride her about it. But no, for the first time in two years she could talk freely about the man that she loved, and no one had seemed interested.

Mr. Mitchell sat quietly as she told her tell, and when she'd finished he smiled. "Well, you always were a persistent little thing, and now I can see you've grown into a smart, strong woman. I'm glad to hear that you've found your love. Some people never do."

Sara ducked her head, her cheeks turning pink. "Thanks so much, I didn't mean to dump that all on you." She cleared her throat and looked him in the eyes. "I actually came here to ask you if you might know where my mother moved after she sold the Inn."

At this, Mr. Mitchell ducked his head, his cheeks coloring. "My dear, that is the thing I feel worse about in this whole thing. I, hell the whole town, thought that your father was an abusive bastard. Your mom would come in here with bruises, and limping, and she would say things about your father, we were all convinced."

Sara reached out and gripped his hand. "You couldn't have known, none of you. What made you change your mind?"

His blush deepened. "Well, about a year after she came back to live in the Inn, we... well we became friendly. She... well you have to understand I was single, she was a lovely woman, and hell, I was lonely as well. We started dating. Well, it wasn't long before her true colors came out." He shrugged and leaned back in his chair. "We had gone out to some restaurant, when I took her home she invited me in, it wasn't the first time. The next morning she asked me to mow the lawn," he laughed ruefully. "I thought why not, you know, I was in a good mood." He stopped and hissed between his teeth. "Well, seems I had a little too much fun on the lawn, didn't take it seriously enough. Missed a few bits, didn't trim the drive and, well, next thing I knew I'd earned myself a slap. Oh, she apologized afterward but I had my reservations." He stood and started straightening the shelf of magazines. "After that, whenever she was in here, and would hint at wanting to get together, I'd just come up with a reason not to, you know, I'd have a delivery coming in, my mom wanted me to take out her friends daughter, stuff like that. She got pretty vocal towards the end. Finally I just told her I didn't think we should see each other again and she huffed off and started doing her shopping over in Millerton."

Sara sat silently for a moment, pondering how her mother could get off for killing her husband, and think she could go back to acting in the same manner. "Mr. Mitchell, James, if I may?" At his nod she continued. "James, my mother was... is a manipulative, conniving, even evil, woman. You couldn't have known."

He shook his head. "You know, the thing is I didn't cotton on to the truth about your father's death until weeks after that last blow-up. I came across an old newspaper while cleaning out the stockroom and got to reading an article about the trial. Then it just hit me, she didn't do it in self defense!"

Sara nodded. "No, she didn't, but who would listen to a scared twelve year old who witnessed her father's death. According to everyone in my mother's sphere, she was sainted for staying with him. My father was the most loving, sensitive man, and no one seemed to see that after she got through with them." Sara stood and fiddled with a display of lighters. "So, I guess you don't know where she went?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't even know she had left until Rona came into the store and said she'd bought the old place. From what I hear though it had become quite rundown."

Sara nodded. "Yeah, that's what I heard. Do you know of anyone that might have known where she went?"

"Not off the top of my head, like I said, after our little to do she just stopped coming to town," he said sadly.

Sara sighed and walked back to the front of the counter. She lifted the bag of M&Ms and smiled. "I'd still like to get these. I could use a little chocolate therapy. How much do I owe you?"

He shook his head. "Not a thing, take it. It's the least I can do."

"Well, thank you. I guess I'll see you around."

"So, you're staying around?" he asked, leaning on the counter.

"Yeah, I have some... some things to deal with." She waved and walked out the door.

She was just crossing the parking lot when he appeared in the doorway and called to her. "Where are you staying?"

"Out at the Inn."

He nodded. "I'll ask around, see if anyone knows anything."

Sara smiled. "Thanks."

* * *

A truck screeched to a halt in the parking lot and a man jumped out and ran around to open the passenger's door. "Well, we're here, baby. Let the countdown begin," he growled as he helped a woman out of the cab of the truck. 

Sara watched from her position on the porch swing as he and the woman ran towards the steps. She popped another candy into her mouth and smiled at the look of happiness on their faces. He was wearing a tuxedo and she was wearing a dark green dress with amber scarves wrapped around her waist.

Sara felt she should turn away when he leaned in and kissed her. "Okay, I'm going to go in and register us, why don't you sit out here and enjoy the view. You won't be seeing much of it in the next couple of days, so make sure you look your fill." He grinned and hurried into the house.

The woman beamed, looking around. When she spotted Sara she blushed. "I'm sorry, we didn't see anyone there."

Sara smiled and shook her head. "That's okay. I think kissing is kind of expected at a place like this."

The woman blushed even more and edged her way over to where Sara was sitting. "I guess not," she held out her hand, "I'm Shannon Cl...White." she giggled. "I guess I'm going to have to get used to that."

Sara smiled and gestured toward the other end of the swing. "I'm Sara Sidle. So, you're here on your honeymoon." Sara guessed easily. Shannon nodded and Sara continued. "Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

Shannon, looking a bit surprised, nodded. Sara hesitated, but rushed on. "What made you decide it was time to get married?"

Shannon's face flamed again. "Well, to be honest I - we um, we, my boy-, uh, husband and I had committed to a celibate life until we were married. We've known each other for a year and well, we just couldn't wait any longer. See, we've both had relationships in the past that were always ruined by having sex too soon, so this time we wanted to make sure we were together for the right reasons."

Sara was speechless. She tried desperately to find something to say, but she was saved when the front door opened and Shannon's husband came out. He rushed over and reached for his bride. "Come on ,babe, they're all ready for us." He pulled her hand and she stood.

"George, wait, George! I want you to meet someone." Shannon tugged him back.

George turned back impatiently but smiled in Sara's direction. "Honey, this is Sara Sidle, Sara, this is my husband, George White."

George reached out and shook her hand, but quickly pulled back and grabbed Shannon around the waist. "Sara, I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to take my bride here, and if I'm lucky, we won't see anyone again for quite some time." He smiled and pulled a sputtering Shannon back towards the door and into the house.

Sara sat staring at where they'd disappeared. They seemed nice enough, but Sara wasn't sure that it wasn't a mistake to marry someone because you couldn't wait to have sex. It was one thing to make sure you had other things in common, like with her and Grissom, but what happens if you wait until marriage, but rush the marriage because you're waiting, and still end up having your relationship be about sex, which you'd learned in the past didn't work.

Sara sighed. She knew she didn't know enough about the situation to be a judge of it, but something seemed off about it. She'd known Grissom for years, was attracted to him the first time she saw him, and though nothing had come of it then, when they'd met again later those feelings hadn't gone away. Gazing out at the garden she remembered all the times she had had to push that attraction back, and the times it seemed that it would never lead anywhere. Once they were together, however, well, the waiting was over, and Sara couldn't have put off making love with her man for one more night.

* * *

_Sara reached her hand out and grabbed some popcorn out of the bowl in Grissom's lap. She slanted a glance at Grissom and found that he was staring at the screen. She wished she could do that. Ever since dinner had ended and they'd cuddled up on the couch to watch TV she'd been distracted by everything about him, the clean smell of him, the warmth seeping into her from where their bodies touched, even the sound of him chewing the popcorn. Finally she reached over and grabbed the TV remote and hit the power button. Grissom looked at her wearing that confused look he got every time she did something unexpected. "Is something wrong, dear?" he asked. _

_"Gil, it's time," she said, firmly. _

_"Time, time for what?" _

_She licked her lips, reaching out a hand to run it through his hair, something she'd wanted to do all night. "You know what."_

_Before he could react she took the bowl from his lap and set it on the table. Ignoring his protest, she swung her leg over and settled herself on his lap. She bit her lip and smiled. "Oh yeah, you know alright." _

_Grissom brought his hands to her hips, wanting to push her away and pull her closer at the same time. "Sara, are you sure?"_

_In answer she reached down and gripped the bottom of her shirt, pulling it over her head. Throwing it behind her she reached forward and grasped his head in her hands. He looked into her eyes and knew she wasn't going to change her mind. Finally he released all the restraint he'd been using and gripped her tighter, pulling her into full contact with his erection. An erection he'd had all night, only able to disguise it with the popcorn bowl, and keeping his attention firmly on the television._

_With a lunge, he stood, and she gasped as he lifted her up. Grinning she wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her the short distance down the hall to her bedroom. _

_He laid her down on the bed, dropping a line of kisses along her nose and cheeks, finally kissing her lips. He stood and their eyes locked, he removed his shirt, then taking a deep breath, he unbuttoned his pants and slipped them down, kicking them away. He stood there feeling more vulnerable then he ever had. _

_She smiled, her eyes roaming up and down his body, clearly liking what she saw. She reached down and quickly undid her own pants before slipping them down and using her foot to sweep them off the bed. She sat up, maneuvering so that she was kneeling on the bed. She crooked her finger at him and he came to her. Their lips met, hot and wet, urgent, yet gentle. Sara pulled him back with her and they fell together, wrapped around each other, their hands exploring each other. Suddenly he reared up and looked around, but she took his chin and guided his look to her bedside table. "Believe me, I'm prepared, have been since you finally gave in and asked me out. Getting caught in this situation with no protection wasn't an option, couldn't have you backing out on me."_

_He laughed. "Honey, no way would I ever back out, and just so you know, I've been prepared since before I asked you out."_

_Sara grinned and grabbed him. "So, let's not hold back any longer." They kissed, hands roaming, teeth biting, and finally joined their bodies with a sigh. No thought was needed, no fumbling hands, no shyness holding them back. They knew what they wanted, and were each sure of getting it. _

_Afterwards they lay entwined, their hearts pounding. Sara looked up and grinned at him. "Well, is that all you got?" _

_He stared at her a moment and then laughed. "Darling, that was only a taste. There is so much more I can give you." _

_Sara pulled him closer. "I can't wait." _

* * *

Sara jerked to the present when her phone rang. She grabbed it and was relieved to find his name on the ID. She quickly flipped it open. "Hey, I was just thinking about you." 

There was a moment of silence and when he spoke, he sounded far more solemn then she felt. "Sara, are you sitting?"

At the tone of his voice a cold chill went through her, the warmth from moments before gone. "Yes, Gil, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"

"First of all I want you to promise me that you'll remain calm."

"But, Gil..."

"I said promise!" He cut her off.

"Okay, okay, I promise. Now tell me what's wrong. Is it Greg, has he been hurt? Or Nick, Warrick, Catherine, are they okay?" She was scared of what he was going to tell her.

"No, no, the team is fine, everyone here is fine, but I do have some bad news."

Sara remained silent and he went on.

"You remember you asked me to find your friend, Angela?" he asked.

Sara felt herself relax a bit. It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. "Yes, you couldn't find her? That's okay, it's not always possible..."

He cut her off again. "Listen, Sara, you remember I told you I was working on a tough case?" Sara nodded mutely listening and wondering where he was going with this.

"Well, when you told me your friends name it sounded familiar. I wanted to confirm my suspicions before I talked to you, that's why I haven't been in touch. Your friend, Angela, well she was living here in Vegas, she was a cop on the police force actually." Sara heard him but couldn't say anything, she didn't like where this was going.

"Sara, honey, she was, um, she was killed. The latest victim of the guy we've been looking for. He's killed two other women, all within the last year and a half," he said in a rush. "Sara, honey, are you there?"

Sara sat, staring out into the yard. She heard him calling her, but couldn't say anything.

"Sara, Sara, are you there? God, Sara, say something!

* * *

**TBC...**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** I don't own CSI or any of its characters, but the ones I make up are mine. :P:P

**A/n:** Hope you guys like this chapter.

**For Aussie:** Have fun on your vacation!! I hope this starts it off with a bang!

* * *

**Chapter 12**

_Thump, thump, thump…_Sara reached over and grabbed the extra pillow, pulling it over her head. It muffled the sound coming from the room next door, but the rhythmic banging continued, accompanied by the occasional moan. Sara groaned and burrowed further under the covers.

She'd been awakened by a particularly loud bang some fifteen minutes before and a look at the clock had informed her that it was barely past five in the morning. This wake up call was particularly unwelcome due to the fact that she hadn't fallen asleep until after two. For the last ten minutes she'd debated whether or not she should just get up, but she figured that this couldn't go on much longer and she'd be able to go back to sleep.

Thirty minutes later Sara hurriedly stepped into a pair of sneakers and grabbed her jacket. She made her way down the stairs and away from the high-pitched squeals coming from room five. She had just stepped into the hall when the smell of freshly brewed coffee reached her nose.

She hesitated, but the lure of caffeine overruled her misgivings and she headed back to the kitchen. The first difference she noticed was the swinging door between it and the hall. It had always been a standard door when she'd lived there. That was nothing, however, compared to what the inside was like. The room was ultra modern. The metal cabinets that used to wrap around two walls had been torn out and in their place were glass fronted black lacquered cabinets on only one wall. The chipped linoleum floor had been replaced with black and white tiles, and all the appliances had been removed and replaced with state of the art, stainless steel ones. Even the counters had undergone changes. The single sink had been replaced with duel sinks, and the counter tops had been replaced with black, white veined marble.

Sara's eyes went to the spot where her father had died, she was afraid she'd still see him lying there in her mind, but all she saw was the new dishwasher. She was thankful that she'd truly moved past her father's death.

A door on the other side of the room swung open and Sara jumped. Rona walked in and smiled at her. "Up and about early this morning?"

"Well, it's not what I had planned, but the jungle noises coming from the room next to mine made it impossible for me to sleep any longer." Sara gave a rueful smile and gestured toward the door behind her.

Rona shrugged apologetically. "Sorry about that, but it couldn't be helped. I'd originally put the Whites in room two, but around three this morning I was awoken by a knock on my door. Seems the newlyweds got a little boisterous and their bed collapsed on them." She shrugged and walked over to the coffeepot. "I didn't have another room that was ready for guests, I'm sorry your sleep was interrupted."

Sara laughed. "Well, it doesn't seem to have thrown them off."

"I guess I'm just used to it. I've come upon my share of amorous couples around the place. In my line of business it's to be expected." She took a coffee cup out of the cabinet and lifted it in question.

Sara nodded, and then accepted the steaming cup of coffee. She inhaled the nutty aroma and sipped it. "Mmm, hazelnut," she murmured.

Rona smiled. "This is my personal stash. I'm afraid it'll be a couple of hours before breakfast is ready."

"That's okay; I'll just walk around for a bit-after my coffee." Sara pulled a stool out from the island in the center of the room and sat down.

Rona watched her. "Did you have any luck in town yesterday? Finding your mother?"

Sara sighed and shook her head. "Not yet."

"Listen, I was giving this some thought and I think it might be a good idea if you tried to find her through the Internet. It's amazing what you can Google these days." Rona hopped up on a stool next to Sara.

Sara laughed. "Oh, I thought of that. I've just been putting it off." Sara's eyes wandered to the corner of the kitchen.

"Well, Darlin, if you don't want to see her, why are you looking?" Rona asked.

"See, Rona, there's the rub. It's not something I WANT to do; it's something I HAVE to do." Sara looked at her. "See, my mother pretty much ruined my childhood and… well, I've let her actions dictate most of my decisions in my adult life. Oh, I'm not saying that I hate my life, actually it's pretty damn good, but… but something happened a few months ago, something that made me realize that I've been hiding. I tried to ignore it, tried to get on with my life as if everything were normal, but with each day the pressure built." Sara stared earnestly into Rona's eyes. "See, my mother killed my father. In fact, she killed him in this very kitchen, and before that, she… she would hit him, and generally be abusive to him, but he stayed with her. In… in the last few months I've found myself alternately getting angry and wanting to lash out, and feeling like I was in a fog, feeling nothing. In my job it's easy to burnout…"

Rona watched as the young woman began to cry, the tears slipping silently down her cheeks. Not knowing what to do, she lifted her hand and patted her on the shoulder. Sara dried her cheeks with her hands and sniffed. "I-I think I could have made it. My counselor told me I was suffering from PTSD, and that it would just take time. But something happened during my last case… I-I let my fiancé think it was the case itself that broke me, but- but it was something that happened during the investigation that really put me over the edge.

* * *

_Sara banged the locker room door closed and sat down on the bench. Ronnie was fooling herself if she thought that offering that woman help would do anything. Sara had seen the look in her eyes. She wouldn't be going anywhere. She'd end up on Doc. Robbins' table one day, and her husband would be in jail, if he didn't kill himself and end up next to her. _

_She sighed and opened her locker, jumping when the door opened and Greg came in. _

"_Hey Sara, how's it going?_

_Sara shrugged. "Fine, I guess."_

_Greg looked askance at her, but decided to let it go. "So, where's the new girl?" _

_Sara rolled her eyes. "Probably out trying to save the world."_

_Greg laughed. "What?"_

_Sara shook her head. "Nothing, just if she keeps empathizing with the victims she's not going to make it in this line of work."_

_Greg looked at her, confused. "Sara, you're the master at empathizing with the victim, and you're doing fine." _

_Sara looked at Greg and all she could see was his goofy grin. She was suddenly gripped with the urge to wipe it off his face, to just pound his face with her fists. Her heart pounding she grabbed her coat and pushed past him. _

"_Sara, Sara, where are you going?" Greg called. _

_Sara ignored him and rushed down the hall. She didn't know where she was going but she found herself standing in front of Grissom's office. He looked up and motioned for her to come in, but the image of Greg's battered face, left over from when he'd been beaten up by a gang of kids, but done by her in her mind, swam before her, and she turned and left. _

_

* * *

_"Things only got worse from there. I took charge of a case concerning a couple of suspects I'd investigated a couple of years before. A brother and sister. The brother had been accused of murder, but the sister said she did it. It caused so much confusion that the brother got off and the sister confessed to me that he had been the killer." Sara sighed and stood.. "This time around he was accused of killing his ex-girlfriend. The sister is a genius, only fifteen and already finished with college, and tremendously jealous of her brothers life without her. She murdered the girl and framed her brother. Her brother, unable to escape his sister, hanged himself. When I told the sister, she broke down… and I didn't feel anything. Nothing." She looked up at Rona, tears streaming down her face once again. "What-what if I'm like my mother?" Sara's heart pounded as she spoke of her worse fear. "What if I get married, to the man I love deeply, and one day I snap and hurt him? I would NEVER want to hurt my friend Greg, but in that moment I just wanted to hit him, over and over. And it scares me. I don't know when my mother began to abuse my father, or why. I never knew my maternal grandmother, what if there's some kind of gene, something that kicks in and makes the women in my family hurt the people they love?" 

Rona shook her head. "I don't believe that. And I don't believe you should put this off. You obviously have questions, and your mother is the only one who can answer them. I have a computer in my study, I had the basement converted into an apartment, and you can use it. Maybe you'll find nothing, but you have to try."

Sara nodded, knowing she was right.

TBC…


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** I don't own CSI or any of its characters. All other characters are mine.

**A/n:** G'day Mates! Crikey, I hope ya'll enjoy this chapter. :D:D Especially my friend sunning herself Down Under, you know who you are. :D:D:D

* * *

**Chapter 13**

Rona reached forward and pulled open the basement door. "Just go on down, you'll find the computer pretty easily."

Sara stared down the stairs, unable to move. She could remember the hundreds of times that her father would disappear down these steps and stay for hours, banging away in his shop. It was the one place he could get away from Laura, and though she'd occasionally make her way down there for one reason or another, she found all the sawdust distasteful so she rarely stayed for very long.

Sara could remember spending hours of her early years down there, watching her father create lovely objects from the wood he'd pick up on the beach; Little figurines and larger items, such as chairs and benches. Later, her mother had put a stop to Sara spending her time down there, saying it wasn't right for a young girl to shut herself away in a dusty basement. She felt it was far more proper for Sara to be upstairs, helping her keep the Inn running. But Sara would forever remember those happy days, sitting in the sawdust, watching her father work.

* * *

_Sara could hear the buzz of the jig saw as she crept down the stairs. She came to a stop on the last step and peeked around the corner._

_Dust flew through the air catching in her father's hair as he bent over the saw. He switched it off and lifted the piece of wood he'd been working on, blowing off the loose dust. He pushed up his safety goggles and headed over to his work bench. _

_Now that the saw was off she could hear him singing under his breath, and she caught a few words as he bent over the table, hand sanding the wood. _

'If you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain, if you're not into yoga, and you have half a brain…' _He swayed with the song in his head as he switched to humming the tune to the song. _

_Sara watched as his hands stilled and he looked up, staring into space. _

_He sighed and bent back to his work, picking up a tube of glue and fitting the slat he'd just completed into the last slot on the chair back he was repairing. _

_Sara remembered when that chair had been broken. A month before she'd come home from school, she remembered it was a Wednesday to find the chair, which had always sat in the living room, lying on the floor, several of the wooden slats that made up the back, broken. No one had been around and she had gotten nervous. _

_She watched as he examined his work and she remembered the sick feeling she'd had until he'd come home, stitches in his forehead and a story about tripping over his feet and falling into the chair. _

_Now, he turned suddenly and caught her standing in the doorway. "Sara Bella, why are you hiding over there?"_

"_I didn't want to disturb you." She moved further into the room. "I-I heard you singing. You're very good, Daddy."_

_Bill chuckled, "Yeah, if you like fingernails across a chalkboard." _

"_No, Daddy, really, it's beautiful." Sara stared worshipfully at her father. _

"_Ah, Honey, You know, I don't even realize I'm doing it." He kneeled down in front of her. "So, what are you doing down here, I thought your mom said she wanted you upstairs?"_

_Sara straightened her small shoulders firmly. "I finished all the work she wanted me to do, and she's gone into town, and… well, I haven't seen you very much lately. I miss you, Daddy." _

_Bill smiled. "Well, let's make the most of it, what do you say?" _

"_Okay, Daddy. What do you want to do?" She looked around the shop._

"_Well, from what I hear it's a nice day outside. Why don't we get out of this dreary old place and go to the park? Spring is in the air and what better way to celebrate that than a picnic with my best girl?" Bill straightened and began cleaning up his work space. "Why don't you go on upstairs and make us some sandwiches, and I'll get cleaned up. Maybe your brother will come with us."_

_Sara smiled and skipped back upstairs. Her daddy always had the best ideas._

_

* * *

_Sara smiled as she watched Rona walk back towards the kitchen, seeing herself as a child skipping down the hall, going to make sandwiches for her father. She turned back to the stairs and took a step down, smiling. This place held no pain for her, only happy memories. 

When she reached the end she found that Rona had made big changes. Before it had been one big room running the length and breadth of the house, but Rona had divided it into five rooms. The room to her right opened directly off the stairs and looked like a very comfortable living room, decorated in soft pastels. It was well lit, and due to the lightness of the furniture, looked light and airy. The room on the other side was the study Rona had told Sara about and after taking a quick look inside, curiosity got the better of her and she slipped down the short hall and checked out the other rooms.

The bedroom was in the same colors as the living room and had a small bathroom attached. Across the hall from there was a small kitchenette. Sara shook her head at the amount of work that had gone into the place. She couldn't help but think her father would be pleased. He'd like that the place was being used, though he'd probably wished it had looked like this when he lived here. It would have made the perfect escape place from her mother.

She retreated back down the hall and entered the study. Sitting down at the small desk, she turned to the computer. "Well, Sara, better stop wasting time," she whispered.

She pulled up the Google homepage and hesitated. Taking a deep breath she typed in, _'Laura Sidle'._

* * *

Rona sighed and looked at the clock. Breakfast was almost over and Sara hadn't come up to grab something. She smiled at her guests and asked if they needed anything. 

A chorus of _'No, Thank You's'_ came back to her and she smiled and excused herself. In the kitchen she made up a plate and a small carafe of coffee and headed downstairs.

As she neared the bottom of the stairs she heard Sara singing. It took her a minute to recognize the song, but when she did she smiled. She'd always liked the Pina Colada song.

She found Sara sitting at the computer, humming, now, and clicking the mouse.

Rona cleared her throat and Sara looked up. "I thought you might want some breakfast." She brought the tray over and sat it on the desk.

Sara smiled. "Thanks." She grabbed a piece of toast from the tray.

"You have a very nice voice," Rona said, pouring a cup of coffee.

Sara smiled. "So I've been told, I get it from my father."

Rona nodded. "So, did you find anything?" She sat in the chair next to the desk.

"Well, I found several entries for a Laura Sidle, most I know weren't my mother." She pointed to the current page on the screen. "This, however, seems like it might be the one."

Rona leaned in and read the page. _'The Honorable Jerold Joiner today married his longtime friend, Laura Sidle. The couple will spend their honeymoon in an unknown location before returning to the Judge's home in San Francisco. Judge Joiner will celebrate his tenth anniversary on the bench next year, and he says having the woman he's loved since he was a defense attorney by his side will make the celebration all the better. When asked how she felt the bride smiled and said, "Ecstatic."'_

"Jerold Joiner was my mothers Lawyer when my father was killed. He didn't believe she was capable of being cruel and bought her story of being an abused wife who had finally had enough. She reeled off a spool of lies and he believed every one," Sara said, sadly.

"Do you think she treats him the same why she treated your father?" Rona frowned.

Sara shook her head. "A tiger doesn't change its spots, and a black widow doesn't go against her nature. My mother couldn't do anything but treat him the same way.

* * *

**TBC…**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** I don't own CSI or any of its characters. All other characters, and the story, are mine.

**A/n:** Work has been terrible, this update came by the skin of my teeth. Masquerade will be updated on Monday. Thanks for your patience.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

_Harsh breathing sounded in Sara's ears, her heart pounded as she tread water. She looked around, seeing nothing but fog floating eerily on top of the water surrounding her. She wanted to move, but she was frozen, only able to tread where she was. A splash to her right had her jerking around. Ripples in the water rolled towards her and she felt a disturbance in the water around her legs, like something had passed closely by her. She knew she couldn't stay where she was, but she was scared to strike out, scared to move her legs, to wave them around more than they were. _

_She heard a splash behind her and this time it spurred her on, and she began swimming in the opposite direction. With each scissor of her legs behind her she could almost feel them dangling in the jaws of some giant fish. She swam harder, faster. She couldn't tell how far she had gone, nothing around her had changed and she feared that she hadn't moved at all. Her arms ached, her body was numb from the cold water, and she didn't know how much longer she could swim. The thought of those jaws closing around her vulnerable feet was all that kept her going. Every once in a while she heard a splash behind her and her heart would leap. _

_Finally she saw a light ahead and it spurred her on faster. Her whole being was concentrated on reaching that light, sure it meant rescue. She moved her legs faster and reached as far as she could with each stroke of her arms, and then she was falling…_

Sara jerked up from where she was lying on the floor and looked around. She'd fallen out of bed and her knee had banged into the floor. She sat up, gingerly, and looked around. Her bed was bare but for the sheets that she had twisted around, and the air coming from the open window chilled her.

She used the edge of the bed to pull herself up and onto the mattress. She inspected her knee, but it seemed fine aside from a little throbbing. She looked around for her pillow and comforter and found them on the other side of the bed. She pulled them back up and settled her self onto the bed, pulling the comforter around her.

She didn't have to question what the dream had been about. That was patently obvious. She looked over at the clock and saw that it was only fifteen after four in the morning. She turned over, trying to go back to sleep, but the feeling of dread that the dream had evoked lay around her like an extra blanket.

Rona had moved the Whites to another room, one with some of the Inn's specialties installed, for no charge, so Sara couldn't blame them for her sleepless night. She'd lain awake for hours before drifting off and into that dream.

Biting her lip, she made a decision. She picked up her phone and dialed.

Grissom picked up on the second ring. "Hey, what's got you up this early?"

"Couldn't sleep, too much on my mind," Sara said, sitting up and propping herself against the headboard.

"You want to tell me about it?" Grissom urged.

"Well, you know most of it. I did find out where my mother is, or will be," She told him about the Google search. "Then I found out that she and her husband are on vacation in Europe and won't be back for several weeks. Do you think I should come home until they get back, or stay here?"

Grissom was silent a moment, finally he said, "Dear, you have to do what you feel you need to. My visceral reaction is that I want you back here. I've been working doubles everyday, not necessarily because I have to, but because the house seems so empty without you there. Hank misses you too."

Sara smiled. "I miss you, and him, too. It seems so odd to wake up and know you're not there beside me, or just down the hall, or hell, even at work, but I'll see you later. I miss your smell. I miss your arms around me, and I miss your mouth on my skin."

Grissom cleared his throat. "I miss those things about you too. But, the logical part of me says that you should stay where you are. Things here are still up in the air. The guys are asking about you though, I haven't said much, but they're getting persistent. Greg especially, he actually seems kind of mad about something. What should I tell them? Catherine is the only one who knows where you are."

Sara sighed. She didn't want them to worry about her. "Just tell them I'm visiting my mother. No one else knows about her, or how she is, so they should buy that." She ran her fingers over the comforter. "So, how's the case going?"

Grissom sighed. "Slow. Greg's working a copycat case, which is all we need, but nothing new on our serial yet. It's frustrating."

Sara slid back down, getting comfortable. "Why don't you tell me about everything that's happening?"

Grissom cleared his throat. "Well, you know just about everything about the case. Why don't I tell you about the dreams I've been having instead?"

Sara smiled. "Whatever you want to talk about, your voice is so soothing."

"Well, the latest one was a doozy. We were in high school together, and we were making out in the back seat of a car, I guess we were at some make out spot, wherever it was, it was dark, and very quiet…"

Sara listened as he talked, and as his voice washed over her, her eyes began to close. As she drifted to sleep the last words she heard were, "…when I woke up, Hank was licking my chin."

* * *

When she woke up again the sun was shining through the window. She stretched and felt her phone fall into the sheets. She fished around for it, her mind racing. She couldn't believe she'd fallen asleep while talking to Grissom. She finally found the phone and when she checked, she had one message. She pressed the buttons to hear it. 

"Hey, Sweetheart, I know you need your sleep, so I'm not going to feel insulted because you fell asleep on me. In fact, I find it comforting to hear your soft breathing again, I miss that. I'll talk to you later. Stay strong, I love you. Bye."

She closed her phone and smiled. She looked at the time and was surprised to find it after eleven. For the first time in days she felt truly rested. Getting out of bed, she headed for the shower.

* * *

Well, hello sleepy head." Rona greeted as Sara skipped down the stairs. 

Sara smiled. "Yes, and believe me, I'm not sorry. Just hungry," she laughed.

"Well, if you don't tell anyone you can share my lunch. I can't have it getting around that I serve lunch, breakfast is quite enough." Rona laughed.

"Ah, thanks for the offer, but I thought I'd head into town, maybe wander around the area. I'll pick something up somewhere." She smiled as she headed for the door. "See you later."

* * *

The wind whipped Sara's hair around as she drove. The day was mild, and she had the top of her rented car down. The briny smell of the water drifted on the air and it brought back memories. Her father had loved the beach, and any activity that had to do with the water. She had some happy memories of them at the beach, but for some reason it was another memory that came to mind now, a not so happy memory, about her father, and the city she'd one day call home.

* * *

_Five year old Sara was playing in the garden, digging in the dirt when her father walked up to her. He picked her up and gave her a hug and a kiss. _

"_Ah, Sara Bella, you look so happy here, playing in the dirt. Is that what you want to do when you grow up?" He held her tightly, looking into her laughing brown eyes. _

"_Yeah, Daddy, I want to be a arcologist!" She squealed. _

_Bill laughed. "You can be anything you want to be." His face turned somber. He made his way to the swing and sat down with Sara in his lap. "Okay, Honey, Daddy has something to tell you."_

_Sara stared at him earnestly and asked, "What?"_

"_Well, Daddy is going to go away for a little while, and I won't be able to see you. I'll be thinking of you everyday, and I'll see you again one day." _

_Sara looked worried. "Where are you going?"_

"_Just somewhere to do some…business. I'll try to call you, but it might take me a while before I can." He pulled her close and hugged her. _

_Sara hugged him back. "I love you, daddy," she whispered. _

"_I love you too, sweetie." He pulled back and kissed her nose. "But I'll always be there if you need me." He hugged her once again and put her down. _

_He began to walk away and Sara watched him take out his handkerchief and wipe his face. He sniffed and the last view she had of him was of his head down and his shoulders hunched in misery. _

_A week went by and she hadn't heard from him, and her mom was worse than ever, banging around the house and acting miserable. _

_Her brother, Brian, older than Sara by six years, spent most of his time barricaded up in his room, only coming out when he had to. _

_One night Sara couldn't sleep, so she crept downstairs to get some milk and overheard her mother on the phone. She sounded angry, but there was something else, something that little Sara didn't recognize. _

"_Bill, when are you coming home?" Laura asked. _

_Sara crept into the living room and hid behind her father's recliner. _

"_What do you mean, you don't know? We need you," she said, harshly. She listened a moment, then, "No, no, I promise. I won't do it again. I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to do it. Please, come back. I-I miss you. The kids miss you. Sara cries everyday and Brian is acting out." _

_Sara sat in confusion. She missed Daddy, yeah, but she wasn't crying everyday, and Brian was always sulky, and he had just been staying in his room, not acting out. She peaked around the chair and looked at her mother. She had sounded like she'd been crying, but when Sara saw her mother sitting on the couch, but she wasn't crying. Her cheeks were dry and she looked grumpy. Sara drew back behind the chair. When her mom spoke again she still sounded like she'd been crying. _

"_Please, Bill. Just think about it. I promise, it won't happen again, just come home." _

_A few seconds later she hung up the phone and Sara scooched back so that she wouldn't be noticed. _

_Laura huffed and got up, muttering. "How dare he leave me here alone to take care of these kids. His place is here; helping me, not out in that sin city, doing God knows what. His ass better get back here or he won't like the consequences."_

_Sara sat where she was long after her mother had gone to bed. She had a feeling her daddy should stay where he was. She just wished she could be with him. _Sara pulled into a parking lot, let the top up, and got out of the car. Clouds were coming in from the ocean, and she could smell the rain on the wind.

Her father had come home two days after that phone call, he had brought souvenirs from his trip to them, and he'd given Sara a little dice key chain she could use to play house with.

For a few weeks things were okay. Her mom seemed to be in a good mood, and even Brian spent more time out of his room, but it hadn't taken long for her mother to snap.

Yes, if her father had stayed in Las Vegas he might have lived. But what would her life have been like?

The rain started to fall, and Sara ducked back into the car. She might never know the answer to that; she just hoped one thing- that she wasn't making the same mistake.

**TBC…**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer**: All rights reserved for CBS

**A/n**: Fair warning, this chapter is pure fluff, and the next might be too. But soon I'm going to be going into intense territory so I needed these light chapters. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

**Chapter 15**

Sara poured the pancake batter onto the griddle and watched as, after a few seconds, it began to bubble. Once the entire surface was covered in tiny bubbles, she slid the spatula under the edge and tested it to see if it was time to flip it. It held up well, so she slid the spatula further under and quickly flipped it over, happy to see the even coloring on the cooked side. Satisfied with the heat of the griddle, she quickly poured out 10 small sized pools of batter, which would spread into nice, round silver dollar pancakes.

Once she had completed fifty pancakes, she covered them with the dome of the server, and moved on to the scrambled eggs.

She and Rona had worked out a deal. Sara would help with breakfast three days a week, so Rona could sleep in and Sara got to say at the Inn for free. Sara was glad for something to do, this was the longest time she'd ever gone without working. It had been over three weeks since she'd left Vegas, and she was getting antsy.

Sara glanced at her watch and cursed. "Where does the time go?" she mumbled as she picked up the server with the pancakes and delivered it to the dining room. She already had the coffee carafes out, and was relieved to see that no one was down yet.

She hurriedly brought out the rest of the dishes, including fresh fruit, toast, the fluffy scrambled eggs and a selection of cereals, and arranged them on the buffet with a jug of cold milk.

The first guests walked in just as she was pouring herself a cup of coffee. "Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Smith," she called as she headed back to the kitchen. "Help yourself."

She knew she couldn't stay in the dining room with the 'Smiths' any longer than necessary, or she wouldn't be able to control her nervous laughter. Even now she giggled as she gathered up the tray of jams and jellies to take out to the buffet.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open and hurried to deposit the tray, barely glancing at the couple seated at the table.

They'd first arrived a week before, pulling up in a Winnebago, make that a hot pink Winnebago. Sara had seen it through her window and had gone downstairs to check it out. When she'd first seen Mr. Smith she'd thought he was sweet.

In his nineties and hobbling along on a cane, he'd looked like everyone's genial loving grandfather, and Sara had thought he'd been confused about what type of Inn he'd pulled into.

After all, over the last couple of weeks Sara had seen everything from threesomes, to an accidental run in with a female guest whose partner had gone into the town, and who had decided to… amuse herself out in the garden while he was otherwise occupied. Sara didn't think she'd ever run so fast in her life.

So on seeing old Mr. Smith, Sara had been tempted to direct him to a more… sedate Inn down the road a bit. But, he seemed to know Rona, and while they were talking, the door had opened and an elderly woman had hobbled in with a walker, and Sara had decided that Rona would be able to deal with them, and had gone back up to her room.

A couple of hours later Sara returned downstairs and found Rona in the kitchen. She asked her if she'd directed the old couple to the other B&B, but Rona had shook her head, saying that the Smiths were regulars, and they were definitely in the right place.

Sara had smiled and said how nice it was to see a couple married for so long and still looking to spice up their love life.

Rona had burst out laughing and when Sara had pressed her, refused to tell her what was so funny.

It had taken the better part of the next day before Rona explained, and Sara would remember that conversation until the day she died.

* * *

"_C'mon Rona, what's so funny about the Smiths? They're such a cute couple." Sara smiled and leaned on the kitchen counter. "Did you see them at breakfast? They were holding hands and looking into each other's eyes. They're so cute together."_

_Rona giggled. "Well, they ought to be." _

_Sara shook her head. "What do you mean? A marriage that lasts that long is rare, and to have so much love for your husband or wife after so many years, well, I can't think of anything better."_

_At this Rona doubled over in laugher, finally gasping. "They-they're no-not mar-married."_

_Sara frowned in confusion. "But you called them the Smiths. I know it's a popular name, but that is rather odd."_

_Rona kept laughing. "Yes-yes the name is common, but-but these tw-two have a lo-lot more in co-common than that."_

_Sara shook her head. "Huh, what do you mean?"_

"_Well, for one, they grew up together… as brother and sister."_

_Sara stared silently for a moment, then, "You mean they, or one of them was adopted?"_

"_No, they were born to the same family." Rona watched the shock wash over Sara's face. " Hey, I was like you. When they first started coming here a couple of years ago I thought they were cute and I asked them how long they'd been married. I was told straight out that they weren't allowed to get married, but it was okay for them because they were happy as long as they had each other. I was confused about why they weren't allowed to be married, and that's when they told me. Mr. Smith said that they'd grown up extremely close, and their mother wouldn't let them bring friends home, and when they reached their teens Stew, Mr. Smith, had walked in while his sister, Clara, was in the bath, and he became interested in the female body. Well, I guess that would be normal, but it wasn't just any female body he was interested in. No, it was only Clara. But it was in their twenties when they both discovered that they were best off together. Clara's date had stood her up, and Stew… comforted her. They've been 'together' every since."_

"_Oh my God!" Sara whispered. "Why-why do they come here?" Sara was afraid of the answer. _

"_Well, seems they heard about us from another guest, and decided to check the Inn out." Rona lowered her voice to a whisper. "And let me tell you, they like to try EVERYTHING" _

* * *

Now, Sara busied herself in the kitchen, trying to forget that she'd seen a note from Stew, requesting the flavored body paints. Once she was finished washing up, she peeked through the door to see if there was anyone left at the table. A young honeymooning couple remained, and Sara scooted out to check the buffet. She cleared up the empty dishes and checked the level of the coffee. She took the empty dishes to the kitchen and began to rinse them.

It wasn't that she didn't feel that people had the right to live the lives they wanted, but, she just had a very big problem with incest. At least the couple had decided against children.

Rona had said she'd asked them how they'd gotten along in society, and they simply told anyone who asked that families in royal families had intermarried for centuries, so it wasn't anything new, and you couldn't control who you loved.

Sara knew that love came to you whether it was allowed or not, but she felt that there were some times where it was prudent to ignore it. And if you happened to find yourself enamored of your sister, well, that was the time to fight it.

Rona came up the stairs a few minutes later and helped Sara clean up the rest of the breakfast dishes.

Sara looked out the window and noticed the overcast sky. "Looks like rain."

"Yeah, that new weather guy on channel 5 said there would be afternoon thunderstorms. He's kinda cute." Rona smiled. "I wouldn't mind being stranded with him during a storm."

Sara smiled. "I think you've got your hands full already. I'm surprised James still has a store, as often as he's here."

Rona blushed. "Well, he is sweet," she lowered her voice to a whisper, "and you wouldn't believe how inventive he is."

Sara laughed. "Well, then, you're a lucky woman." Sara lifted her cup to sip her coffee and sighed. You know, I think I'll go up to my room, write Grissom a letter. It's almost Christmas. I ordered him a present, but I'd love for him to have something a little more personal." She excused herself and ran upstairs.

Crawling onto her bed, she reached into the night stand drawer, withdrawing her notebook. She heard the rain start to pelt the window, and looked up to watch as her window blurred with condensation.

As odd as this place was, it had been a comfortable place to heal. She knew she still had to meet with her mother, but for the last few weeks she'd been at peace. Though, no matter how nice she felt, she still missed Grissom so much more than she'd thought possible, and she'd thought she'd miss him quite a lot. They talked regularly, and wrote each other, but she hadn't felt his touch in weeks, and being in this place, this place of fantasies, well, it didn't help.

Ah, fantasies. Before Grissom she'd only had one, to be with Grissom. After Grissom… well, that was another matter.

* * *

_Sara walked down the hall, thinking about the meeting with Caprice. She could swear he'd looked at her and Grissom as though he knew something, knew that they were more than colleagues. But, how could he know that? _

_She joined the rest of the team, minus Nick, in the breakroom. They were going over the case notes to make sure they'd covered every detail. _

_Taking a seat opposite Grissom, she started going through her file, making sure it was in order and listening as Catherine talked about the case. _

"_Most likely, he was still alive when they left. They probably thought they just had taught him a lesson."_

"_They did, never confuse fantasy with reality," Grissom said, glancing at Sara. _

_She looked up and was surprised to see a look in his eyes normally reserved for away from work. She couldn't resist a small smile, suddenly ready to get home. She heard Greg mention what a great gift from a boss that the fantasy gift had been. She smiled. "Greg, don't you have a birthday coming up?" She watched Grissom as Greg answered, amused at his reaction. _

_Catherine gave her theory on what Greg's fantasy would be, but he denied it. _

_Once again, Sara was surprised to hear Grissom's reply. _

"_I think fantasies are best kept private," he murmured. _

_Sara felt the words like a physical caress. Luckily Nick came in before she did more than look at him. She tried to concentrate on what Nick was saying, but it was hard to do when Grissom kept staring at her and her mind kept coming up with tons of ideas for when they got home. _

_Sara barely heard Nick wrap up his hypothesis about nothing in Vegas happening by chance. She couldn't disagree. It wasn't by chance that she'd moved here, and it wasn't by chance that she still had the same feelings for Grissom as when she'd met him at that conference in San Francisco. She studied her papers and was barely aware of Catherine and Greg leaving. She looked up to find Grissom looking at her and heat flooded her body. Without thinking she said, "Okay, Gilbert, what is your fantasy?" _

_He was quiet for a moment before he smiled. "Well, Sara, I'm loath to talk about it at work, but if you'll allow me to," he glanced around, "meet you at your apartment, I think I can be convinced to disclose the details." He smiled and stood, heading for his office to close it up. _

_Sara watched him, her pulse pounding. Finally, she jumped up and hurried to the locker room. If she'd learned anything in the past few months, it was that whatever it was that Grissom had in mind, she was going to enjoy it. _

* * *

_Sara pulled up to her apartment and was surprised to find Grissom already waiting for her. She hurried out of the car and, together they rushed inside and up the stairs, arriving at her door winded, but exhilarated. _

_Once they were inside, they stood, facing each other. Sara smiled. "So, do you want something to eat?"_

_He grinned. "Not really. Can I tell you something?" _

"_Of course." She led the way to the couch. _

_He waited for her to sit, and then he slid up next to her. "Back at the lab, when you called me Gilbert, I really liked that." _

_Sara leaned forward and ran a finger along his jaw, feeling the rasp of his beard. "Is that so," she whispered. "You know, you seemed rather frisker than normal tonight, I thought I'd melt from the looks you were giving me. What got into you?" She leaned forward and nuzzled his neck. _

"_I-I don't know. I couldn't stop thinking about what Caprice said about dreams coming true, and about how, all mine have." He sought her lips, and the next few minutes were filled with silence. _

_She finally broke away and grinned. "So, what is this fantasy that you still haven't shared with me?"_

_His hand slid up her leg, resting on her hip. "You know my fantasy. It doesn't take props, or anything special. All I need for all my fantasies to come true are you, me, and an uninterrupted weekend." Grissom glanced at his watch. "And look at that. It's five AM on Saturday, and we don't have to be back into work until Monday night."_

_Sara laughed. "So, we have the weekend, and we have you, and me, so… let's get to this fantasy of yours. Then we can get to mine." She stood and headed for the bedroom, but turned back at the door. "Only, mine might involve props." She disappeared through the door. _

_Grissom stood up, his heart pounding. He couldn't wait to see where his life with Sara led. _

Sara opened her eyes, her cheeks were wet. She wiped the tears away, and began writing, putting everything she felt into the letter. She told him of fantasies they still had to explore together, and adventures they still had to enjoy.

Sara signed the letter and sighed. The closer they drew to Christmas, the more nostalgic she grew for home. Picking out the tree with Grissom, putting out the decorations. This would have been the first year they could have the team over as a couple, and she couldn't believe she was going to miss that.

She looked up at a knock at the door. "Who is it?" she called.

"It's me, Rona. I have a package for you."

Sara called for her to come in, and was surprised when she appeared carrying a large package. "Wow, what is it?"

"I don't know, but it has a Las Vegas return address, and it's from one, Gil Grissom." She smiled when Sara jumped up.

Sara grabbed the box and tore it open. Inside there was a letter and a pile of clothes, and two wrapped boxes. One small, the other twice its size. She picked up the letter.

'_Dear Sara,_

_You said you'd miss me with every beat of your heart, well, you know you have my heart, but I miss you with every fiber of my being. Know I think of you always, even when this case gets crazy and I'm rushed off my feet. You keep me going when I'd long ago have thrown in the towel. _

_Here are some of your things, something to make you feel more at home. The big box is your Christmas gift; don't open that until Christmas morning. I'll call you at exactly 8am, and you can open it then, I want to hear you open it. The other box is a gift you can open now. I'd love to see you open it, but for this I'll forego that pleasure. It's about time you had it._

_Stay safe, keep me in your thoughts. You're always in mine. I love you, I always will. Talk to you soon. _

_Love, _

_Your Gilbert'_

Tears slipping down her cheeks, once again, as she tore open the smaller box. Her smile lit the room when she saw what it was. She took out her engagement ring and slipped it around her trembling finger. The fit was perfect. She stared at the stone, her smile beaming and whispered, "You have my heart too, Gilbert."

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 16

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI, The Christmas song, or The Arrow and the Song. I just use them to tell the story**.**

**A/n**: Yes, it's more fluff. After this though, things will get more drama like. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 16**

"_**Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose…"**_

_Sara closed her eyes and listened as her father sang. She snuggled into the couch, her head propped on a Rudolph the Reindeer pillow. She opened her eyes and watched the twinkling Christmas tree lights dance across the ceiling. _

_A fierce storm raged outside, but inside all was warm and toasty. She wasn't even scared of the thunder and lightning. _

_Shifting, she turned over and watched as her father played the piano, his voice floating over the room. Glancing over she saw her mother sitting in her favorite chair listening to the music. _

_Her brother was laying on his stomach on the floor, trying to figure out what was in the boxes under the tree. _

"_**Tiny tots, with their eyes all aglow, will find it hard to sleep tonight."**__ Bill glanced over at Sara and watched her eyes drift closed, and then pop back open. He smiled. __**"They know that Santa's on his way, he'll have lots of toys and presents on his sleigh, and every mother's child, is going to spy, to see if reindeer really know how to fly…"**_

_Sara's eyes drifted closed again as she drifted into sugar plum dreams. _

* * *

Sara slowly swam up from her dream, wanting to cling to it. The smile on her father's face stayed with her as she opened her eyes. She smiled.

Christmas music filtered up the stairs, and Sara stretched as she remembered what day it was. She swung her legs over the bed and sat up. The sun filtered into the window. Outside a cold wind buffeted the windows, and Sara smiled wistfully. As warm as the desert could be during the day, the nights could turn cold, and Sara wished she could be home, cuddled up with Gil. Sighing she stood and made her way to the bathroom.

* * *

"Merry Christmas!" Rona called from the kitchen.

Sara walked in and edged her way onto the stool by the center island. "Merry Christmas. What do you have planned for today?"

"Oh, nothing much. James is coming over and we're going to exchange Christmas presents." She placed a cup of coffee in front of Sara. "That may take a while. I have something really special for him," she laughed.

"Well, I won't get in your way. Grissom is calling around noon and I'm probably just going to stay in my room the rest of the time." Smiling, Sara sipped her coffee. "You guys will have the run of the house."

"Well, don't forget dinner tonight, eight sharp," Rona said, bending to take a quiche out of the oven.

"Oh, I'll be there. Who else is coming?" Sara asked.

"Just you, me and James," Rona answered.

"What are we having?" Sara asked, apprehensively. So far she hadn't had to make a big deal of being vegetarian. She just ate the non meat things, but she didn't want to insult Rona by not eating what she'd cooked. On the other hand, she didn't think she could eat turkey.

Rona smiled. "Oh, the regular stuff, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, except for you; I got a tofurkey for you."

"Oh, Rona, you didn't have to do that. I could have just eaten the vegetables.' Sara blinked back tears at the thoughtfulness.

"Oh, it was no problem. I'm glad to do it for you." She smiled as she sat a slice of quiche in front of Sara. "Bon appetit."

Sara smiled. "Thanks."

* * *

Later, Sara lay in bed reading. Her mind was only half on her book because she was willing her phone to ring. Grissom was late. He was never late, and it worried her that he hadn't called yet.

Sara jumped when the phone finally rang. She grabbed it and answered breathlessly. "Hello?"

"Merry Christmas, Darling." Grissom's voice sounded across the line, calming her.

Sara tossed her book aside, not bothering to mark her place. "You're late," she chided.

Grissom laughed, "I know, I'm sorry. I'd explain, but it would take too much time away from our time together. Don't worry, I'll tell you about it later."

Sara smiled. "Oh, I'm not about to complain. I'm just glad to talk to you now.

Grissom laughed, "A bit impatient, aren't you?"

"Only to hear your voice," Sara said, seriously.

Grissom sighed. "Believe me, I know that. It seems odd not having you here with me."

Sara sniffed back tears, "It's so much harder than I thought it would be; not seeing you or the guys everyday. I even miss Hank's sloppy kisses."

Grissom laughed. "Well, he misses giving you those kisses. But he has nothing on me." He was silent a moment, then, "The gang misses you too."

Sara sighed, "I keep thinking about how this would have been the first Christmas we could have celebrated with them as a couple. Not that I'd give up ur Christmas's alone together." She giggled. "Remember our first Christmas together?"

"How could I forget, we spent half of the day working a homicide, and the other half locked in my bedroom… celebrating," he said with a chuckle.

They were silent a moment as they thought about that day.

Finally, Sara broke the silence. "So, are you ready to open presents?"

Grissom laughed. "You lasted longer than I thought you would. Are you sure you haven't opened it yet?"

Sara huffed, "Hey, I wouldn't do that." Her indigence faded and she laughed. "I have been tempted though. I will admit to giving it a few shakes."

"Have any ideas about what it is?" He asked.

Sara pouted. "No, it doesn't make a sound."

"Well, let's not wait any longer," Grissom said with a laugh.

Sara was off the bed and grabbing the gift from where she'd placed it before he finished the sentence. Not bothering to be careful with the wrapping, she tore it off and ripped open the box. Pulling out a handful of bubble wrap, she uncovered another box. Sighing in exasperation, she grabbed it and tore it open as well. Her hands stilled. "Oh, Grissom, it's lovely." She pulled out the oval shaped platinum locket and clicked it open.

The two souls she loved most stared back up at her; Gil, looking handsome, on one side, and Hank, looking bored, on the other. "Oh, Gil, I love it!" Tears slipped down her cheeks.

Grissom gave a little grunt. "I'm glad you like it."

"Oh, I do, I really do." She quickly clasped it around her neck. The chain was long enough that she could easily lift it to see the pictures whenever she wanted.

"Did you see the inscription?" Grissom asked.

Sara frowned as she turned it over and read. 'Two souls lost without you. Hurry home, Love Gilbert and Hank.'

Sara laughed. "I love it." Sudden tears filled her eyes again. "I wish I could put my arms around you."

"Well, why don't you?" Grissom asked.

Confused, Sara asked, "What?" she looked up as her door swung open.

Grissom stood there, his phone to his ear. "I could use that hug , too."

Sara was speechless for two full seconds before she flung her phone down and vaulted off of the bed and into Grissom's waiting arms.

His arms closed around her and they stood like that for long minutes. Finally, he pulled back. "Happy to see me?"

She grabbed his arms and pushed him back onto the bed. "Mister, you don't know the half of it," she said, launching herself onto the bed beside him.

Hours later Sara propped herself next to a sleeping Grissom and studied his face, soothing her fingers over his brow. She leaned down and kissed him gently and whispered, "Thank you."

* * *

Grissom smiled at the woman holding out her hand, sticking out his own to shake it. "It's nice to meet you, Rona."

"It's good to finally meet you, too." She looked over at Sara who was talking to James. "I think she needed this visit.

Grissom nodded. "So did I." He looked around. "No guests on Christmas?"

"Oh, no, we close for the week of Christmas. We make up for any lost revenue on New Years, we're always booked solid for the first week of the year." Rona gestured to the bar. "Would you like something to drink?"

"No, thank you." He smiled. "It would probably knock me out. I was only able to get the day of Christmas off and I didn't get away until late this morning. I had to really push to get here in time. Luckily my flight was early."

Rona grimaced. "Sorry to hear that." She turned to the others. "Okay, guys, if you're ready, we can go ahead and eat."

Dinner went quickly, with both couples wanting to get back to their own celebrating. Before they separated for the night, James proposed a toast. "To love and happiness, may everyone find what we have."

Everyone toasted, and after a round of goodnights, they went their separate ways.

Sara led Grissom back up to her room. "So, are you sleepy, or do you want to stay up a bit?"

Grissom smiled. "I think I can last a bit longer. Besides, I haven't opened the gift you gave me yet."

Sara smiled. "I wondered when you were going to get to that."

He shrugged. "I wanted to spend time with you first. It's out in the car, I'll go get it, and you get comfortable.

While he was gone, Sara undressed and got into bed.

When he got back, he was carrying a small box. "You know, this box has had me very curious. I can't wait to find out what…" He broke off when he saw her lying there, completely bare. He cleared his throat. "Suddenly it doesn't seem so important."

Sara laughed. "C'mon, this is nothing you haven't seen before."

Grissom shook his head. "But it always takes my breath away. You take my breath away."

Sara smiled. "Well, I hope you get your breath back soon, you're going to need it."

Grissom walked over to the bed. "I think I can handle it."

Sara shook her head. "No, no. You have to open your present first."

Grissom tore at the wrapping impatiently. The box held two things. One was a magnet. Grissom laughed. "Who would have thought to take a picture of two coccinellidae mating?"

"I don't know, a ladybug porn director?"

Grissom laughed. "I think that's one part of the bug community that I'll stay away from." He picked up the second item. It was a small book of poetry by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. A ribbon marked a poem about halfway through. Turning to that page, he found a slip of paper. 'Grissom, you gave me this poem before you left for your Sabbatical to assure me that you'd come back again, I give it to you now for the same reason.' The poem was The Arrow and the Song.

Sara cleared her throat. _"I shot an arrow into the air, it fell to earth I knew not where. For, so swiftly it flew, the sight could not follow in its flight…"_

Grissom picked up from there. _"I breathed a song into the air, it fell to earth, I knew not where; for who has sight so keen and strong, that it can follow the flight of song…"_

There voices joined together for the last stanza_. "Long, long afterward, in an oak, I found the arrow, still unbroke; and the song, from beginning to end, I found again in the heart of a friend."_

"No matter where I go, or where I land, you'll always find me." Sara whispered.

Grissom laid the book down and crawled across the bed to her. "Believe me, I know that." he whispered back.

The night passed with little sleep for either of them. Neither of them regretted it.

**TBC…**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:** All rights reserved for CBS.

**A/n:** Sorry this is so short, but the way I've been feeling this week, I was lucky to get this much done. Hopefully this gives a good jump off to the final few chapters. The next chapters should be longer, so have no fear. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed.

* * *

**Chapter 17**

Sara opened her eyes and knew something had changed. She could feel it in the air and in the very fiber of her being. Her limbs ached and she felt like her chest was being compressed. She slowly sat up and blinked. She didn't feel sick, exactly, just very fatigued. She turned to look at the clock and was surprised to find it after eleven. Her neck muscles were tense and the effort it had taken to perform that one action had exhausted her. She flopped back down on the bed and closed her eyes.

She heard the birds twittering in the sky, and the sun streaming through the window promised that the day was bright and sunny. Through the window blew a slight breeze carrying with it the scent of the ocean. By all accounts she should be feeling good. The last few weeks had been great, and she was confounded by this fatigued feeling.

She knew she had to get up, so she took a deep breath and swung her legs over the bed and stood up in one swift movement. She hoped a long hot shower would help her feel better.

Forty five minutes later she made her way downstairs, feeling only marginally better. She hoped that Rona had a pot of coffee going.

She found the kitchen empty and a note sitting on the counter. '_Running into town, be back in about an hour.' _

Luckily there was a full pot of coffee waiting and since it was still fresh she figured it hadn't been sitting there long, therefore it hadn't been long since Rona had left. With a slight smile, she pulled down the biggest mug available and filled it to the top. She grabbed a raspberry Danish and decided to have her brunch in the garden. Hopefully the combination of caffeine, sugar, and sunlight would reenergize her. She looked around for the paper and finally found it folded on the side table in the dining room.

She made her way out to the wrought iron bench in the garden, set her coffee on the small table and settled herself into a comfortable position. She propped her feet on the small stool in front of the bench and for a few minutes she just sat there, eyes closed, inhaling the fragrance of the garden. She just couldn't shake the feeling that hung over her like a shadow, despite the brightness of the day. Finally, she sat up and sipped her coffee and nibbled at her Danish, hoping for a sugar rush. She picked up the paper and turned directly to the comics. Maybe a laugh would help lighten her mood.

Ten minutes later she'd read every comic, finished her coffee and Danish and, still, she felt like just going back to bed and curling up in a ball. With a sigh she turned to the first page of the paper where a name jumped out at her. She sat up and read the article carefully.

'_Two years ago the brutal murder of three men over the course of three weeks had San Franciscans scared to leave their homes. After months of careful evidence gathering the police finally moved in and arrested Marvin Duncan last month for those murders. There has been no comment on the reasons behind the murders and Mr. Duncan is expected to plead not guilty. The trial is set to begin on March twenty-first and will be overseen by the Honorable Judge Jerold Joiner who has just returned from a long honeymoon…' _

The article went on; detailing the particulars of the case, but Sara couldn't take in any more. This was the reason behind her malaise. Somehow she'd known on a molecular level that her time of relaxation was over. It was time to face her past.

* * *

By the time Rona got home Sara was packed and ready to go. She met Rona at the door and explained what had happened.

Rona smiled and put her arms around Sara in a big hug. "You come back to see me when you've finished your… when you finish what you're doing. There will always be a room available to you. I'm sure Grissom wouldn't mind a nice long vacation with his fiancé when this is all over."

Sara nodded, "You bet. In fact there are a few products I wouldn't mind trying out with him." Sara pulled back and picked up the small case of things she'd gathered in her time at the Tickle Your Fancy Hideaway Inn. "And I'll make sure to tell everyone I know what a great, and private, place this is. I know a couple of people who may appreciate it." She smiled thinking of Catherine and her predilection for bad boys and Greg and his liking for latex. Then again, Nick might just find a need for it.

"Okay, time for me to go. Wish me luck," she said taking a tremulous breath.

"Good luck, Hun, and don't worry, I know you can do this. You're a strong woman. Oh, wait…" she broke off and hurried into her part of the house. When she came back she was breathless from the run. "Here's the name and address of a friend of mine. I've talked to her and she's said that you can stay with her while you're in San Francisco. I would have mentioned it earlier, but I thought there'd be more time. I'll call her as soon as you leave and she'll be waiting when you get there."

Sara looked down at the card and stammered," Oh, Rona, I couldn't…"

Rona cut her off. "Don't you start, what are friends for? Now, go on, get going. You want to get settled in before dark."

With tears in her eyes, Sara nodded. "Thanks so much, for everything." She hugged Rona again and turned to leave. At the door she turned back. "And think about making an honest man of James. I've never seen him so happy, and you look radiant whenever you're together."

Rona blushed. "Well, he has been hinting at making our relationship more permanent, maybe I'll take the lead and do the proposing."

Sara smiled. "Well, you have my number, let me know what happens."

Rona nodded and watched as Sara turned and walked out of the house, realizing she was going to miss this woman she'd only known for a few months. A true friend was hard to find, and she only hoped that Sara could lay her past behind her and move on into her future, her path clear for what life had to bring.

Sara closed the car door and glanced down at the card. "Well, Michele Grant, I hope you're ready for a visitor." She pushed her sunglasses onto her nose and started the car, a song popping into her head_. 'Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road…' _

**TBC…**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer:** All rights reserved for CBS.

**A/n:**Well, it's winding down folks. Only a couple of chapters to go. I hope you have enjoyed this story and that you aren't disappointed with the ending.

* * *

**Chapter 18**

Sara pulled up at a red light and took the time to check the address on the card. Her first priority was getting settled and then she planned on going straight to her mother. She was tired of inaction, and she wanted to get this done. She was fed up with this fear ruling her life. For years she'd put it behind her, thinking she'd moved on, but all it had taken to bring it to the fore was an eye opening encounter with a mentally unstable woman.

The light turned green and she accelerated, only a few minutes from her destination. The sun over head beat down, heating the car, but there was a cool breeze that kept the temperature down, making it a pleasant day.

Sara turned onto Courtland Avenue and, after going a couple of blocks, turned right and headed up the hill. The neighborhood that Michele lived in was one Sara had only been to once; she'd worked a case there many years ago, and she remembered the long trek up the hill to reach it. After fifteen minutes of searching, she finally found the right house.

The house was something to behold. The two story structure was painted in a variety of colors that you wouldn't think would work together, but actually came together quite nicely, giving the famous Victorian painted ladies of the town a run for their money.

Sara took a deep breath and released it. Thoughts of Natalie swirled around in her mind. She remembered her inability to get through to the unstable woman, and she couldn't help but wonder if maybe she hadn't been able to get through to her because, somewhere in the back of her mind, she felt that she had deserved it. That she could have become someone exactly like Natalie. Someone like her mother, who used pain and humiliation to get her way, and who allowed her baser instincts to take over.

* * *

_Sara relaxed as the elevator climbed upwards. Her phone rang and she smiled on seeing who it was. . "Hello Gilbert," she answered, and leaned back against the railing. _

_He filled her in on what they'd found out about the miniature killer and Sara felt a small pang when she found out the reasons that Natalie had ended up in foster care. She knew from personal experience that nothing good led you there. _

_The wind whipped through her hair as she headed towards her car. "All right, I'll be right there, I'll meet you at the lab." As she opened her trunk to stow her kit away, she thought of her own time in foster care. Luckily she hadn't been there long, but it was long enough that it gave her a greater understanding of how it was to be truly alone._

_Her thoughts were interrupted as she heard her name. She turned, surprised to find a stranger there. She saw the tazer a second before the barb shot out, and then her world was filled with pain. _

_The next time she opened her eyes she was in a small dark place. Her hands were tied together with a plastic tie and from the sounds around and the bumping of her prison; she determined that she was in the trunk of a car. She forced her mind to clear, determined to find a way out of this. She knew if she didn't get away soon she'd be just one more murder for a CSI to investigate, and the thought of that spurred her on. She gripped the barb in her vest with her teeth and pulled, ignoring the way it cut into her lips. She spit it out behind her and grappled with her fingers to find it. It took concentration, which was hard because of the pain that still racked her body, but she finally managed to grip it and pry off the tie. Once she was free of that she was faced with another problem. She needed a way out of the trunk. She used the inside latch to open it but knew the car was going to fast to go out that way. She looked around the interior of the trunk, looking for a possible escape route. She closed the trunk and looked around. Her mind raced. She made herself focus on the task at hand. Getting an idea, she began to unscrew one of the speakers. She thought it was ironic that she was the CSI most often given the responsibility of dismantling cars, and that knowledge would be what might get her out of this. Hopefully there would be a hole behind the speaker by which she could get to the latch for the back seat. It seemed to take years to unscrew the speaker, but finally she had it loose. She reached her hand through the jagged plastic and grasped the latch, lowering the back seat. Knowing she only had one chance to take her captor by surprise, she tried to silently ease up behind her._

_Acting quickly, she leaped forward and grabbed her from behind. The next few minutes went by in a blur, and she managed to smash the woman's head through the window before shoving the back door open, hoping that the car had slowed down enough for her to jump. She hit the ground hard, landing on her arm and rolled to a stop. She saw the car stop, but couldn't get herself to move and her eyes closed as a wave of blackness overcame her._

_Once again she opened her eyes and found herself in the car. She was in the backseat this time, and her hands were retied. Before she could formulate a plan, she felt water hit her face and swallowed the water that cascaded into her mouth reflectively._

_The roar of the car helped clear some of the cobwebs in her brain, and she focused on the woman in the front seat. She could only think of one way to make her rethink what she was doing. If she could just talk to her, make her see her as more than a victim, but as a woman, just like her, who's had a hard life, maybe she could stop her from continuing on this path. She had an idea of who this was, and it didn't make her feel more comfortable._

"_Natalie?" she whispered, her voice raspy. _

_The woman looked back, startled and Sara knew she was on the right track._

"_Natalie Davis." Sara swallowed. " I know who you are. I know a lot about you." _

_Sara could see that Natalie was listening, and she hastened on, hoping to get to her. "You make miniatures. I've seen you before right?" Sara realized that was true, she'd seen her around the lab. "You work in the lab, on the cleaning crew."_

_Natalie remained silent, but Sara was sure she was onto something, and she knew what she had to do. _

"_So sorry about hitting you back there. I guess… uh, I have a fear of trunks. In my business you only find one thing in them." _

_Still Natalie didn't say anything, and Sara worried about getting through to her, so she switched tacks. _

"_We actually have a lot in common, you know? I'm a foster kid, too. Happy happy joy joy," Sara said sarcastically. "I do know what it's like to be alone, afraid that no one's every going to be there for you." She remembered those times too well. _

"_Ernie was," Natalie whispered. _

_Sara blinked. "Yes he was." She decided that might be the best way to talk Natalie out of this. Convince her that Ernie wouldn't have wanted this, though she was having trouble concentrating. "That's true, Natalie." Sara ventured into a painful part of her past, hoping that would get through to Natalie. "I lost my father, too." Her mind went back to those lonely days when the man who'd loved her more than anything had been taken from her. She roused herself, she felt so sleepy. "I know that Ernie loved you, he would not have wanted you to do this."_

_This caused Natalie to respond. "Ernie loved me more than Grissom could ever love you," she whispered. _

"_Grissom?" Sara was confused, her brain fuzzy. What did Grissom have to do with this? Then it hit her; Natalie knew. She knew that she and Grissom were together. "Oh, I know what this is about," she slurred. Something was really wrong. She couldn't focus, but she did remember… "Natalie, what did you put in the water?" Sara eyes were so heavy. "Natalie? Huh?" Unable to keep her eyes open any longer, she closed them and drifted into sleep. _

_She opened her eyes, once again confused about where she was. She heard creaking and turned her head, feeling the dirt under her cheek, realizing that something was being lowered on top of her. "Natalie?" She called. "Natalie, what are you doing?" Her grogginess clearing, she called again, "Natalie? What are you doing?"_

_Realizing too late that her arm was stretched out and that the thing being lowered over her was a car, she groaned. "No, no, no!" she found herself screaming as the car pined down her arm, causing pain to shoot to her shoulder. "Don't do this," she grunted. _

"_Natalie!" Sara called over and over until she heard a car start up and take off. Despite the wind and the crackling of thunder in the air, the silence was loud and she knew that she was alone. She knew she was going to die, knew it as deeply as she'd known that her father was dead before seeing his body. The rain started to fall and Sara lifted her head. She would not die like this! Not at the hands of some psycho! She would not roll over like her father had done, time and time again, until finally he'd given his life so that she wouldn't have to feel her mother's wrath. _

* * *

'Bang, bang!'

Sara jerked, her eyes opening. It took a moment to gather her bearings, and she felt truly lost when she turned and found a tall blond woman staring down at her.

The woman mimicked the action of rolling down the window, and Sara automatically complied.

"Yes?" Sara asked.

A pair of big blue eyes blinked. "Sorry, doll, didn't mean to startle you, but I have to get going soon, and I thought you'd like to get settled before I do. I'm Michele." She purred in a deeper voice than Sara would have expected.

Sara shook her head. "Sorry, I guess I drifted off." She opened the door and stood up. Looking up, she realized how tall Michele was. "Hi, I'm Sara; I guess Rona called and told you I was on my way." She held out her hand. "Though, if it's too much trouble, I can always find a hotel."

Michele shook her head. "No, it's fine. There's plenty of room, and I work so much that I'm barely here anyway."

Shaking her hand, Sara realized that Michele had extremely long red nails. "So, I'll grab my bags and head on in."

They walked up the front walk together and Michele told her about her job. "I perform three times a night. Singing is my life, I don't know what I'd do without it, but it doesn't pay the bills. So during the day I work at a little store called Good Vibrations, that's how I know Rona, she orders stuff from us for her little Inn."

Sara choked back a laugh. "Does that leave you time to sleep?"

"Sure it does, my last performance is at three in the morning, I get out of the club around six, then I go open the store and work until noon. I hurry back here to sleep until six and then I'm up and at it again." She smiled as they walked through the door. "Luckily this place is paid for, an inheritance from a favorite uncle; otherwise I'd be working three jobs trying to keep myself in home, food and gasoline." Her laugh echoed in the entry hall. "Your room is this way."

She led the way up the stairs and stopped in front of a door to the right. "You have your own bathroom and there's a big screen TV as well." She handed Sara a key. "Here's the key to the house, make sure you lock up when you leave."

Sara shook her head. "Are you sure? You don't even know me."

Michele laughed. "Rona told me you were good people, that's all I need to know. Plus she said you were a cop, which can't be a bad thing to have around."

"Well, not exactly a cop, I'm a crime scene investigator."

"Same thing in my book," Michele said, glancing at her watch. "Oh my, time for me to go. There's food in the fridge, help yourself. I'll see you later." She gave a little wave and hurried down the stairs.

Sara turned to look around the room. No time like the present to get down to business. Picking up her purse she also hurried down the hall and out the door.

* * *

Sara sat in her car gazing out the window at the townhouse on the corner. It was the kind of place her mother had always wanted to have. Sara had gotten Archie to do her a favor and find out the address. In return she'd promised to buy him the new Grand Theft Auto game when it came out. An expensive payoff indeed, but looking up addresses for the general public wasn't exactly risk free, and as her mother's address wasn't listed on any database she had access too, she'd had to pull out the big guns.

Her heart pounded as she contemplated getting out of her car and knocking on the door. She hadn't been this scared when she was pinned under that car.

And then it became a moot point.

Laura Joiner walked out of the house and started down the sidewalk, holding the leash of a well groomed standard poodle, its pink nails clicking on the sidewalk bricks, and it's pink bow ruffling in the breeze.

Sara's heart tripled in speed as she got out of the car without taking her eyes from the woman walking down the street. Her feet carried her to stand directly in front of her.

Laura stopped and stared at the woman who was now blocking her path. "Can I help you?"

**TBC…**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer:** All rights reserved for CBS.

**A/n:** So, this was supposed to be the last chapter, but as it was already late, and I still wanted to add a bit, I decided to do one more chapter, more of an epilogue than anything else, but, hey, at least it will give me an even 20 chapters. :D:D I hope this lives up to the build up. Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 19**

Through narrowed brown eyes, Sara watched the well coifed woman look her up and down, a disdainful look on her face betraying the fact that she found the sight before her distasteful.

"Can I help you?" she repeated.

Sara licked her lips, straightened and looked Laura in the eyes. "You honestly don't recognize me, do you?"

Laura squinted at the tall woman in front of her. The brown hair that was a riot of curls, the brown eyes that looked back at her steadfastly seemed familiar, but she couldn't place her. Then the woman gave a bitter, gap tooth smile, and Laura was transported back nearly twenty-five years.

At Laura's quickly indrawn breath, Sara knew it had finally clicked. "That's right, mother, your past has caught up with you."

Laura's bout of speechlessness quickly abated and she regained her composure. "Sara," she said, looking her over once again.

Sara stood proudly, refusing to cower. Sure, she wasn't dressed in haute couture, but she wasn't a slouch, either, and her dark blue jeans teamed with a spaghetti strapped top in varying shades of blue were perfectly acceptable. And, so what if her hair hadn't been blown straight, and instead left to curl of its own accord. Grissom had often said he liked it when she let it dry naturally and he could play with the curls.

Laura, unaware of her daughter's meanderings, kept talking. "What are you doing here?" She hadn't given a second thought to the girl who'd chosen foster care over her mother's loving arms. No, Laura had been quite happy to leave that life behind her, and she wasn't happy to have it rear its ugly head now that her life was going the way she wanted it to.

"You know why I'm here, mother," Sara said quietly.

Laura shook her head. "I'm sorry, dear, but I can't think of any reason for you to suddenly show up."

Sara laughed. "Of course you can't. And, you know, there was a time when seeing you again was the last thing I wanted."

"So, what's happened to change your mind?" Laura glanced around; making sure no one was watching them.

"A woman named Natalie happened," Sara answered, honestly.

"Oh good God!" Laura blurted, her voice hushed. "You didn't come here to tell me you were involved in some…" she broke off and looked around, "lesbian relationship?" she whispered.

Sara rolled her eyes. "No, mother, my big reason for seeking you out isn't to come out of the closet." Sara shook her head. "What in the world would be the purpose of that?"

"I don't know, do I? You said you were here because of a woman." Laura shifted her stance, nudging the dog away from the foot it had been sniffing.

"Yes, a woman, Natalie Davis, is the reason I'm here. Her actions led me to realize that I had to confront some issues from my past."

Laura studied her for a moment, looking past the retail clothing and the makeup free face. She saw a strong woman standing before her. A woman that wouldn't back down from what she had to do. "How did this woman get to you?"

Sara looked around. "Um, why don't we go somewhere a bit more private?"

Laura thought furiously. The options didn't look good. Either talk here in the street, or take Sara back to her home, her haven.

Sara gave a disgusted sigh, "Fine, why don't we talk about the day you killed my father right here?"

* * *

Sara gazed around the luxurious living room as she waited for Laura to join her. She'd nearly dragged Sara back to her apartment as soon as Sara had mentioned her father.

The house had a very modern feel, which surprised Sara. Laura had always preferred a more antique style of décor, but it would seem she'd changed, at least in that respect.

Sara looked up at a noise from the door.

Laura stood there, studying her.

Sara met her eyes and waited for her to say something.

"You're tall," was Laura's opening gambit.

Sara blinked. "You're a killer." She wasn't about to let her mother skirt the issue.

Laura's face contorted. "Not in the eyes of the law," she said her tone low and measured.

Sara stood and faced her. "A jury may have found you not guilty due to the malicious story you spun them, but I know what happened," she said, walking toward her mother.

"What does it matter what you believe. You were a scared little girl who let her imagination run away with her." Laura's eyes began to glitter with manufactured tears. "I kept what your father did to me a secret; you couldn't have known what was going on. In the end, I had to do what I did, not only for myself, but for you."

Sara's lips curved in a small, sad smile. "Wow, and I thought I'd heard some doozies in my time. Killers hardly ever cop to what they've done right off, but I can't remember ever hearing such drivel." She turned and walked across the room. "I have a-a very good memory; it comes in handy in my business, and I assure you that I can remember, in great detail, what life was like when I was a child. How can you honestly expect me to believe your version of events? I, who saw the many times dad had to got to the hospital after a private conference with you, after seeing the way you treated him, and how he took it all."

"You never saw me hurt your father." Laura insisted.

Sara crossed her arms and stared at her mother. "No- no I never saw you physically lay your hands on him. All I ever saw was the aftermath, and the way you treated him, with verbal abuse and constant castigation." Sara inhaled deeply. "You know, I've spent the last twenty… twenty four years being angry and scared. Angry that you treated us like crap, angry that I was stuck with you as a mother, but there is one thing I never realized I was angry about, I was angry at dad, angry that he let you treat him the way you did, that he didn't put up a better fight. I was scared. I was so scared of turning out like you. Everything I did, I did to prove that we were nothing alike. That I would never treat someone I loved so cruelly. But… but those feelings always colored my life. They played parts in the career I chose, the way I dealt with the situations in that career, even my relationships. And you know, I probably would never have allowed myself to analyze those feelings. I actually had- have a pretty wonderful life. A career, that while it can be emotionally exhausting and sometimes seem to be a lost cause, is actually very fulfilling, and it led me to great friendships. And then Natalie came along." Sara had been pacing, but now she stopped at a window and stared outside.

"What does this Natalie have to do with anything?" Laura asked, confused.

Sara turned to look at her. "Natalie? Why she has to do with everything." She turned and began walking back towards her mother. "You haven't asked what my career is, aren't you interested?"

From the look on Laura's face, Sara knew she could care less, but her words said otherwise.

"Yes, what do you do?" she asked hesitantly.

"I'm a criminalist. I go to scenes of thefts, suicides, assaults, murders, whatever needs to be investigated. I know how to determine how someone was killed, who did it, and why. I've lived in Las Vegas for the last eight years and I've seen some truly gruesome things. Sure, cases involving abuse would get to me a little more than others, but for the most part I dealt with it pretty well." Sara turned and sat on the couch. "Last year during an investigation of a series of murders, the killer took a personal dislike to by boss, who also happens to be the man I love. We had kept our relationship a secret from our department, as it was against the rules to date someone on your team, but somehow the killer found out about us. See, earlier we had thought we'd found the miniature killer, the name given to this particular killer, and that man killed himself, leading us to believe that we had been right… but we weren't and he wasn't. The killer was his foster daughter, Natalie. Natalie blamed Grissom, my boss and lover, for her 'father's' death and decided to get revenge. She tazed me, bound me and put me in a trunk and drove off to complete her latest miniature. She made miniatures of all the crime scenes and left them at them at the scene. I tried to escape, but it didn't work and I ended up trapped under a car in the middle of the desert, my arm pinned by the car." Sara rubbed her arm, remembering the pain. "Anyway, she left, and soon a storm came up. As I lay trapped under that car I realized that there was something else I was scared of. I realized that I feared being like my father, and letting myself be hurt by someone else. I had always known that I didn't want to be like you, but under that car it was dad I thought of."

"Well, it looks like you were rescued." Laura pointed out.

Sara gave a sad smile. "Yes, I managed to survive a flash flood, pulling myself from under the car, and I wondered the desert trying to make it back to civilization, barely making it. A friend, a member of my team found me, but after that I was off kilter. The axis of right and wrong had shifted. I found myself getting angry at small things, blowing up at the people who care about me. I felt like I had allowed someone to hurt me, and that threw me to the other side of the spectrum. I wanted to hit something, which is what I had always been afraid of," she looked at Laura. "To be like you." She stood up restlessly. "I tried to make it through. I moved to swing shift because now that everyone knew about Grissom and me, we couldn't work together anymore. We got engaged," she fingered the ring around her finger. "And I was happy about that, but it didn't take long for something else to irritate me, and then along came a case that was too much. A case that ended in suicide and I realized that I felt nothing. Not for the boy who killed himself, and not for his sister who had driven him to it, though she's still just a child. I realized that I had to confront my past. So, I started this journey to do just that. I've made peace with dad. I know now that he was a gentle soul, and he did what he did to protect us kids." She turned and walked over to Laura. "But I knew I had to confront you, too. I don't want to be angry anymore. I want to be with the man I love and not worry about one day breaking and doing something to him. I have realized something. I am nothing like you."

"Well, good, now you can go on with your life, and I can go on with mine." She started towards the door.

Sara stayed where she was. "No, I don't think so. You have to pay, in some way, for what you did."

Laura turned around and looked at her. "I don't understand. I was found not guilty, and I can't be tried for the same crime again, I believe its called double jeopardy."

"Oh, you're quite right about that, but that doesn't mean you can't pay for it. You killed my father, and you did it with such coldness. That's what I felt during that last case I worked; coldness towards everyone involved." Sara started forward. "I don't feel cold now."

Laura watched her, a scowl on her face. "And how do you mean to make me… pay?"

Sara smiled. "For one thing, I'm going to do something I never thought I'd do. I'm going to forgive you. Not for you, but because it's what I need to do."

Laura's face relaxed.

"But, I can't let you get away scott free." Sara stood in front of her.

Suddenly, a noise came from the foyer. Laura looked up and jerked back. "Ex-excuse me," she murmured. She walked quickly toward the door and Sara watched her.

Muffled voices drifted from the other room and Sara decided she might as well get this over with. She wasn't here to play nice and Laura had to know that. She walked to the door and watched as Laura tried to get an older gentleman to leave.

He just smiled and leaned into kiss her. "Darling, why are you acting so odd?" He turned around and opened his briefcase. "I have a surprise for you." He turned around and handed her a gift box. "Go on, open it."

Laura stared at him, not sure what do say. Finally, she opened the box. Inside was a diamond broach. "Oh, Jerry, it's beautiful!"

"I thought you'd like it." He smiled and took the box from her, taking the broach out of it. "Here, let's try it on." He deftly pinned it to her blouse and stood back to look at it. "Ah, exquisite," he murmured.

Laura's face deepened in color and she looked flustered. "Wh-what are you doing home so early?" she asked, fingering the broach.

"Well, the trial recessed and I thought, what better way to spend the unexpected down time then with my beautiful bride?" He took both her hands in his and kissed them. "What do you say we indulge in a little afternoon delight?"

Sara cleared her throat. "I really don't think that would be very hospitable of her."

Both people jerked around and had very different reactions.

Laura looked stricken, whereas her husband, Jerold, looked confused.

"Laura, who is this?" he asked.

"Um, Jerold, you, uh, you remember my daughter, Sara, don't you?" Laura turned to Sara.

"Sara, you may remember Jerold, he was my, uh, lawyer, back when…" she trailed off.

Jerold's eyes widened. "Why, yes, I do remember her." He came forward with his hand extended. "It's nice to see you again." He smiled.

Sara took his hand, but didn't return the smile. "I realize you maybe planned, uh, something different for this afternoon, but if it's okay with you, mom and I have some catching up to do."

"Ah, right, I completely understand." He turned to Laura. "Darling, I'll take myself out for a late lunch so you and Sara can catch up." He leaned forward, kissed her on the cheek and before she could protest, he was out the door.

"So, have you started hitting him yet?" Sara asked before she turned and walked back into the living room.

Laura charged in after her. "How dare you!" she hissed.

Sara turned to her, unfazed. "I'm sorry, was that hitting too close to the truth? I've already told you why I'm here. You killed my father, and you never showed one ounce of remorse for it."

Laura stared at her, lost for words.

What's wrong, mother? Cat got your tongue?" Sara asked, eyeing Laura thoughtfully.

Laura stared at her for a minute. Nothing she could say would convince Sara that she was sorry for what happened. She sighed and sat down in a chair. "What do you want to hear? I was a terrible wife and mother. I don't think I was meant to be a mother in the first place." She looked at Sara, her eyes dry, but weary. "I met your father at a time when everyone was about free love. He was a nice guy, handsome, and I just wanted to get away from…well, it turns out I was more like my mother than I thought. You never met your grandmother, we told you she had died, but the truth is when I left home at nineteen, I left behind a woman who was the epitome of evil. I really thought that once I moved out and your father and I opened our little Inn by the sea that that would all be behind me. And things were fine for a couple of years. Your brother was born and at first I was happy, but then I started getting mad at little things, and allowing myself to blow up, just like my mother. Years went by, and I was struggling with anger and I didn't know where it came from. We decided to have another child, and we had you. Things just got worse after that. I felt angry all the time, and the angrier I got, the more your father pulled away. Then one day during an argument, I hit him." She sighed and looked at Sara. "He left me, but he came back and I tried not to be so angry, but, well, you know what happened. Then that night… I was SO angry. Angry at you, angry that I felt like I was being just like my mother, and angry that I couldn't stop it…" Laura stared at her hands, turning them over and flexing her fingers. "That night, I- I hadn't planned on killing your father. We were in the kitchen and he was actually standing up to me, fighting back and I didn't expect that. He came at me, tried to choke me…" her own hand lifted to her neck. "I grabbed the knife and, well, the next thing I knew, I was stabbing him, then it was over and that girl, your friend, was there. Things seemed to go in fast forward after that."

Sara watched her, unsure of what to believe. Her mother was a master manipulator. Some of what she said made sense, but some things didn't fit. "But, what about the witnesses? You made sure that everyone thought dad was beating you, how can you now claim that you didn't like what you were doing?"

Laura sighed. "I was sick, Sara. I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of. After the trial I continued the bad behavior. I had one sexual relationship after another, treating those guys just like I'd treated your dad. Finally, I decided I had to get help. I sold the Inn, it was too painful to be there anymore, I moved to the city and started therapy. I learned that I was most likely the victim of postpartum depression; also I'd had negative influences growing up. I've worked hard over the years to fix myself. Jerold has been my friend for many years. He's always made it clear that there was nothing he'd like more than to be with me, but I was so scared of what would happen if I gave in. He finally wore me down. I'm a lot more peaceful these days. I've been honest with him, told him of my problems, and he knows exactly what happened with your father, I wanted him to go into this marriage with open eyes."

Sara shook her head. "Then why did you treat me the way you did when I first showed up?"

"I-uh, sometimes I fall back into old defensive patterns. Seeing you threw me off. I'm sorry I treated you like I did."

Sara studied her. She was still unconvinced. She turned toward the window and gazed out. Maybe she was being honest.

Laura cleared her throat and asked. "So, you and this man you're engaged to, have you talked about children?"

Sara turned, confused with the change of subject. "It hasn't really come up," she said, staring at her mother speculatively. "Why?"

Laura turned away. "It's just that… well, this particular sickness seems to run in the family, my mother, me, I don't know about my grandmother, she died before I was born, but I think you should think long and hard before you decide to have children, since that seems to be the catalyst. I know you're afraid of turning into what I was."

Sara stared with dawning realization. "You almost had me," she said, walking forward. "I almost believed you."

Laura turned. "What do you mean?"

"You just couldn't resist taking the opportunity to feed my fear. I told you I'm scared of turning out like you, and here you are telling me that I will, if I decide to have children."

Laura shook her head. "That's not what I meant at all."

"Then why did you bring it up?"

"You never could just leave things alone, could you?" Laura asked with a bitter smile.

"No, that 's what makes me a good criminalist." Sara watched her mother, feeling sad.

"You know, I think you've punished yourself more than I ever could." Sara walked towards the door. "I don't even want to see you anymore, but don't think you're getting away with anything. I'll keep in touch with Jerold, I have friends in high places, and if I hear one thing, from him, or someone else, about anything you've done, you can bet I'll be on you like white on rice." Sara turned and walked out of the room, and out of her mother's life for what she hoped was the last time."

* * *

**TBC…**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer:** All rights reserved for CBS.

**A/n:** I hope this is a satisfactory ending to the story. It's short and hopefully sweet. Thanks to those who've read and reviewed. It really means a lot to me. A very special thanks to Aussie for all her help, and to Chelles who has been a wonderful teacher. You guys are the best. :D:D

* * *

**Chapter 20**

The thud of the door closing behind her made Sara snap out of the frozen state she'd been in as she'd hurried through the house. Her ears opened to the sounds around her, the chirping of the birds, and the rush of traffic down the street. Life opened up again, and only one thought ran through her mind. 'It's time to go home.'

Sara fairly skipped down the sidewalk to her car, her heart feeling lighter than it had in months, maybe years. She'd thought her stay at the Inn had been peaceful, but now she realized that she'd been holding her breath and only now was she able to fully appreciate how dark that time had been. Now, life seemed bright and without limit. Fear and anger were gone, and the future seemed open and full of possibilities.

She slid into the car and glanced in the mirror, surprised at seeing the smile on her face, she hadn't realized that she'd been smiling.

* * *

Sara pulled the car into a free space a couple of houses up from Michele's and hopped out. She hurried up the sidewalk and up the front steps intent on making it to her room to get her stuff and get out.

She was surprised to find the door unlocked and even more surprised when she stepped in and smelled the spicy scent of food being cooked. She followed her nose to the back of the house and stopped short in the kitchen doorway.

Standing at the sink was a tall man, dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, dancing to a song coming from a radio that was sitting on the counter.

Sara must have made a noise because the man suddenly turned and shrieked.

"Oh my God! You scared the shit out of me!" He clutched his chest and tried to calm down his racing heart.

"I'm sorry," said Sara, "But I'm surprised myself, Michele didn't mention that anyone would be here."

For a moment the man froze, and then he doubled over in laughter. The laughter lasted for several minutes, but finally he straightened and tried to control it. "I-I'm sorry, but I thought you knew."

"Knew what?" Sara asked, confused.

"I am Michele, only right now I'm Michael." He walked forward and held out his hand. "I'm sorry, once again, I thought you knew."

Sara squinted at him and could see traces of the beautiful woman she'd seen earlier. "Oh, my! I'm sorry, I must have been distracted. Well, okay, um, so, um, what are you doing home? Didn't you say you worked until late, and then went to your second job?" Sara's mind leapt to the first thing that came to mind.

Michael sighed. "You're right, I was supposed to be performing as normal tonight, but there was a bit of excitement at the club. One of the other performers was found dead on stage. They sent us all home and told us not to go anywhere until they could question us in more detail."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Were you close to the…" Sara trailed off, not sure what to say.

"Not really. He was new and none of us knew him very well yet, but I am shaken up a bit. None of us really know how he even died yet. They won't tell us anything, but I do know I don't think it could be natural. Joe was in great health, or so he said. And I don't see why he'd lie about something like that. Anyway, I got home and decided to take the rest of the day off, called in sick to my day job and decided to let my hair down, as it were, and make us dinner. We're having veggie tacos. Rona told me you were a vegetarian, and though I like my share of meat, I'm good with the veggie stuff too. Dinner should be ready in about thirty minutes, so you have time to freshen up if you want to."

Sara decided that a nice dinner would be great and she might as well get a good night's sleep before she headed home. "Okay, I'll run up and change and then I'll come back down and help you finish up."

* * *

Dinner was delicious and the conversation was good. Michael was a funny guy and had lots of great stories to tell about his time performing.

"So there he was, gyrating on stage, completely unaware that the entire time he was up there his dress was tucked into the back of his hose. We were all rolling around with laughter backstage, and when he came off stage no one could tell him why we were laughing without convulsing into giggles again. Finally, he looked behind him in a mirror and he ran and hid in the bathroom." Michael picked up his glass of wine and took a sip.

"What happened after that?" Sara leaned forward and poured herself another glass.

"Well, my dear, he did what all great performers do; he used it in his act. Never let a situation get the best of you, everything can be turned to your advantage." He tipped his glass at her.

Sara sat silently for a moment. "That's a great way to look at life, one I think I'll adopt."

"Good for you." Michael smiled and stood. "I think I'll head to bed. I'm sure tomorrow will be busy with police questioning and whatnot." He stuck out his hand. "Just in case I don't see you before you leave, it was great getting to know you. I hope you come and visit again sometime, and maybe next time you'll bring that delicious guy of yours. Rona says he's quite the dish."

Sara smiled at the turn of phrase. "Thanks, I might take you up on that." She stood also. "It was nice meeting you as well… if, um if you ever need any help with, with anything, just give me a call. I'm not exactly sure what I'll be doing from now on, I don't know that I want to go back to work at the lab, but I'll always be there for friends who need me." She shook his hand and he pulled her into a hug.

"That's very sweet, but my life's a bowl of cherries, it's full, and though it has it's pits, I can usually take care of myself. So, what WILL you do when you get home?"

"There's only one thing I want to do."

* * *

Sara leaned in the window and paid the cab driver. "Thanks," she said before stepping away from the cab and turning to look at the condo.

She walked to the front door and unlocked it. The door opened quietly, the house was dark. It was two in the afternoon so she knew that Gil must be up those stairs and sleeping soundly. She heard a whine and turned to find Hank looking at her from the couch. Sara sighed. "You know you're not supposed to be on the couch," she said in a stern whisper.

Hank covered his face with his paw, peeking out at her from underneath.

"Oh, damn, you big lug," she sobbed and hurried over to the couch, bending down to bury her face in his neck. "I missed you so much." She held the dog for long minutes until he decided he'd had enough and turned his head, licking her chin.

Sara laughed softly. "It's good to see you too." She leaned back and looked around. "Is daddy in the bedroom?" she asked, silently standing and walking up the steps to the bedroom door.

Sara took Hank's soft whimper as an affirmative answer and tip toed through the door.

Gil was sleeping quietly.

Sara walked quietly over to the bed and looked down at him. He was sleeping so soundly that Sara felt bad about wanting to wake him up, but not that bad. She sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out to brush a hand through his hair.

He murmured in his sleep and turned his head toward the touch.

Sara leaned down and pressed her lips to his, and was surprised when his arms gripped her and flipped her, pinning her down on the bed. She stared up into his piercing blue eyes, her breath coming in quick rasps. Without warning, his head lowered and he took her mouth in a savage kiss.

After a stunned second, Sara returned the kiss veraciously. Within moments their clothes had disappeared and his lips were clamped on her sensitive breasts, his beard feeling gloriously familiar against her skin.

Not one to be left out, she ran her hands down his body, caressing and stroking anything within reach.

Finally her hand found his straining staff and his head reared back. Their eyes met, and as one, each body reached to join the other, finally home at last.

It seemed years had passed since Christmas, and their bodies strained for completion. Minutes later they were transported through the universe, their bodies bound to earth, but their minds soaring through the stars.

Hearts pounding, they're eyes melded to the other; they drifted down from the heavens. Grissom slid gentle fingers over her face, wiping away tears she hadn't known she'd shed. "Welcome home," he whispered. And they slept.

* * *

**The End**

**A/n 2:** This may be the end of Sara's Journey, but it's not the end of Sara's story. Check out Masquerade for more on her return.


End file.
